


Home is Where You Are

by princess_mouse



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Existential Crisis, Falling In Love, Home, Love, M/M, Relationship Problems, Secret Relationship, Solitude, Trust, finding happiness, mentions of depression, rebuilding life, relationship building
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-09
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-06-07 07:51:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 39,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6795505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princess_mouse/pseuds/princess_mouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan and Phil find solitude in a small cottage.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Where we love is home, home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes

Buying a broken down home that was abandoned over two decades was a real stretch. Once a loving home it was slowly decaying with dust and loneliness. The original furniture and valuables were left as if relics in a museum. Dust motes danced in the sunlight when the heavy canvas curtains were opened, and there was a sense of ethereal magic to it. The house was detailed in gently grays and gold accents. Paintings and antiques adorned the walls, telling a story about the previous owner. Before the dust and abandonment this little cottage was quaint, a delicate little home that resembled a dolls house. Nestled in the English country side and hidden away from the worlds view it remained untouched and unknown. 

Hidden by a road overgrown with Hawthorne bushes and wild flowers, the cottage sat in its own little world. Forgotten in time and place. The original white paint remained in tack due to the shelter of the trees and over grown brush. It looked like a fairy garden you could purchase at the grocers. Birds chirped from the trees, butterflies flitted around the over grown flowers, and if you were lucky you could catch a glimpse of the odd fox or rabbit making its way through the yard. Time presently moved forward but the cottage and its surroundings remained in the past. Pure. Untouched. Innocent of the advances of technology and life now.

A fire was required to warm the house. The kitchen was simple with a sink, oven, and fifties style icebox. There was no washer or dryer but a clothes line stood proudly in the yard. One single bathroom with all the perks of indoor plumbing existed among the two bedrooms. The home was modern for its time. Two levels and a small attic accompanied the cottage. Void of a cellar. It was sitting in the middle of past and present design wise. No one would expect there to be electricity or running water. It resembled original English country side cottages of the later 1800’s. The type one would imagine Beatrix Potter living in. If these walls could speak there was bound to be some stories. 

The paintings that hung on the walls were all scenic. Illustrations of the English country side throughout the ages. Different perceptions seen through various eyes over the years. Not one of them the same. The tarnished antiques also stood out in their own beautiful way. Everything in the cottage seemed to beg for attention in the absence of human presence. 

The cottage had caught the eyes of two people who truly needed solitude. The need of peace and repair. Much like the cottage their relationship was fraying and needed something to hold it together. They were so much in love but so far away. Fame and popularity was ripping them apart. Dan hated the cottage when he first saw it. All he saw was a small home with a lot of work attached to it. Phil saw a blessing in disguise. 

They had missed the turn when they were going to meet the realtor. “You could blink and miss it,” Phil had said laughing. Dan cringed, “More like sneeze and miss it.” 

Once they finally arrived they formulated different opinions. They had looked at well over a dozen places to call their own private get away. Not one of the houses suited them but something was different about this place. The overgrown land and small white cottage called to them. The solitude of living in what would essentially be a paper town was attractive. There was a small town close that was populated by a small group of older residents. No one would know them there. 

When they stepped foot inside the cottage it was a different atmosphere all together. It felt like home. Phil was interested in everything from the yard to the inside of the home. He explored the whole place and looked at everything with interest. It was like an adventure going through the cottage and finding things everywhere. Dan found himself confused. He walked around taking in the small cottage and how old it really was. He saw a lot of work before him but seeing Phil smiling ear to ear over everything he looked at seemed to ease his confusion. It wasn’t until Dan walked into the living room and saw the antique piano much like the one he had in his room back in London that he knew this was the place for them. 

There wasn’t much argument. They walked around the cottage and yard for over an hour. They ventured into town to explore and got lunch. Dan wanted to go back again and take photos of the cottage before they ventured back to London for the week. They were smitten over the little white cottage with the overgrown yard and museum of valuables. Dan spent most of his week looking over all the photos he had taken. It didn’t take long for them to agree that they should make an offer. 

Once they had closed the deal it was their home. A little piece of heaven for Dan Howell and Phil Lester nestled away from the world. The first weekend they spent in their new place was overwhelming. The amount of cleaning and yard work they had to do was more than they expected. It was a cooler spring day which was perfect for cleaning and airing out the cottage. Phil spent most of the day trying to clean up the yard. Dan retreated to the indoors until he was attacked by a huge moth hiding in a closet. Phil and Dan had never done so much work in one weekend. 

“We only brushed the tip of the ice berg,” Phil said with a smile. Dan rolled his eyes. As much as he loved their new place he hated the work. He hated how stuffed up he was from all the dust but seeing Phil look so happy rekindled all his hurt feelings. 

“Baby, you’re ok right?” Phil questioned. Phil worried. Part of buying this get away was for Dan. In 2012 the Phandom had pushed Dan too far emotionally and they were experiencing a repeat of that right now. Dan felt like they couldn’t even go out grocery shopping and they were crowded by fans instantly. They loved their fans but the fact that they couldn’t leave the house without the stalkers posting tabs was uncomfortable. Dan melted down one day in the lounge when he tried to leave the house and was bombarded by a crowd of fangirls down the street. With his mission of getting Maltesers and Coca Cola dashed he ran back home to hide. The screaming and crying made Phil realize they had hit a breaking point, not only for Dan’s health but their relationship. 

Dan later ended up in existential crisis mode in the hallway crying. Phil lay down beside him and tried to ease all his pain. “Let me carry some of the weight,” Phil whispered as he rubbed circles on Dan’s back. Dan didn’t talk, he just kept crying, and staying guarded. That was when Phil decided they needed a place to call their own. A private get away. Their relationship was suffering because of the tension and they were fighting a lot. It wasn’t that they didn’t love each other, they truly did but the fans continued to push for public relations and proof. Back in 2012 Dan had thinned down a lot, this time around he was just angrier. He showed that anger in his YouNow videos when fans asked about his relationship. His whole demeanor was laced in sarcasm now. The person Phil fell in love with was fading away because he wasn’t allowed to be himself. He wasn’t allowed to love without having to justify it to the world. It wasn’t that their fans wouldn’t support his sexuality but they would want more. They would never be satisfied. 

Dan looked up from his dinner to meet Phil’s blue eyes. The worry that swam in his boyfriend’s eyes made him feel guilty. He would never stop feeling guilty. That was the problem for Dan, he held onto his feelings. Phil on a daily basis looked at him with so much love and support; an open welcome to talk whenever he needed. On the rare occasion they talked about Dan’s feelings. Usually it was because of a meltdown that talking about feelings became relevant. Dan felt like he didn’t deserve a ray of sunshine like Phil Lester. That thought clouded Dan’s judgement every day. Phil could do better. He could find someone who was just as bright and loving. 

“I’m fine Phil. Just thinking,” Dan said with a weak smile. He loved Phil. His thoughtfulness and affection was contagious. Since day one on Skype Dan knew he was falling hard. Phil was respectful of Dan and his body. No one could ask for a better person to experience life with. Phil had life experience that Dan didn’t have yet and they took their time. 

Phil’s hand reached across the table and gently touched Dan’s, his thumb rubbed across the top of Dan’s hand. “I love you so much, Bear,” Phil whispered.

Dan felt his dreary thoughts melting away. The way Phil told him he loved him with little gestures and verbally always made him feel amazing. Dan felt his eyes scrunching up as he smiled. Only Phil could do this to him. “I love you too, Phil.” 

Dan cleared the table once supper was done and started on the dishes so Phil could finish setting up the living room. Their soon to be bedroom was not even started so they were sleeping on a futon in the living room for now. It was going to take time to clear the cottage room by room to clean and throw away any unwanted items. So far the cottage was a trove of interesting stuff to look at. 

Phil unfolded the blankets he had brought down from London. It was going to be a brisk night in the cottage. Phil had five blankets on the futon and added the pillows last. It was a sorry sight for a bed but at least it would suffice till they finished the upstairs portion of the cottage. Phil thought about starting up the fire place but it seemed like a bad idea. The flue probably needed to be cleaned out after twenty years of neglect. Looking at the futon once more he walked out of the living room and back into the kitchen.  
Dan’s back was to him when he entered. He was in the middle of doing the dishes and humming a Muse song. Phil quietly snuck through the kitchen. Dan was so absorbed in his work and song he didn’t notice till he felt a pair of arms snake around his waist. The body behind him was snuggled up nice and close. Dan felt a smile creeping across his face as Phil’s chin rest on his shoulder. Nothing needed to be said. That gesture alone was enough. The way Phil rocked them slowly from side to side and hummed lowly along with Dan was calming. 

This was a better day for them. There was no fighting. No stress. Dan was breathing in slowly and surely. Phil was there making sure he didn’t stop.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “NOT UNTIL I MET YOU”
> 
> Not until I felt your sunshine,  
> Did I realize that I had been in the shade.  
> Not until I saw all your colors,  
> Did I realize that mine had faded.  
> Not until I heard your dreams,  
> Did I realize that I was still sleeping.  
> And not until I experienced my life with you,  
> did I realize that I was barely  
> Breathing.”  
> ― Suzy Kassem, Rise Up and Salute the Sun: The Writings of Suzy Kassem

Dan watched Phil breath in and out slowly as he slept. Mornings in the cottage were different from London living. The sun shone through the window and the birds sang their melodious songs in the trees. The sounds and sights of nature filled the area instead of busy streets and sirens. There was no need to play the “guess the crime” game.  


Dan longed for those moments when he could just watch Phil sleep. Heart Eyes Howell was all over the internet just like Love Eyes Lester but it was these moments. These moments of watching one another sleep. Seeing and feeling a love that was unexplainable. Being able to look in complete awe while Phil was away in dreamland. It was a perfect time to visit important memories that brought them to where they are now. 

Dan’s fingers gently traced words across Phil’s arm. He remembered a time when they sat in Phil’s bedroom unsure whether they should touch. Both too nervous to make the first move. All the texts, emails, tweets, and Skype sessions never prepared them for that moment. The moment it became real. Now it was real every day, they could wake up next to each other. The distance was the hardest part about their relationship in the beginning now it seemed Dan’s emotional distance was becoming the hardest part.

This wasn’t how Dan wanted it to be though. He didn’t want to pull away from Phil. He didn’t want to keep burying his feelings and pretending it was alright. Phil saw through it.  


Gently his fingers began to travel up Phil’s bare arm till he hit fabric. Memories of Phil tracing circles all over his back the first night they slept together in the same bed came to mind. The gentle way Phil touched and held him. The way Phil slowly forged their relationship forward when Dan became shy. Dan felt the corners of his lips twitch up into a smile at the thought of Phil when they filmed for the first time together. That nostalgia alone made Dan feel happy. That was one of the happiest days of his life. He found his hand moving towards Phil’s face so he could stroke his glabella. His index finger touched Phil’s forehead gently as he lightly stroked the skin between Phil’s eyebrows. 

Dan watched as Phil began to stir. Ever so slightly a smile formed across Phil’s face. His eyes weren’t open but he was aware of what Dan was doing. Phil’s arm reached out and touched Dan’s arm. He shuffled closer into Dan and breathed in. Not once did Phil’s smile break. 

“Good morning,” Phil whispered. 

Dan’s smile grew wider. It was the way Phil whispered that excited him. His finger stopped stroking Phil’s glabella and traced down his nose to his lips. Phil laughed lightly, exposing his teeth, his eyes opened and he squinted to see Dan more clearly. 

“You’re a man of few words this morning Bear,” Phil said as he pulled Dan closer into him till their foreheads touched.

Dan’s hand fell back to Phil’s arm. He wanted to stay like this forever. In this cottage, sleeping on a futon in the living room. “I love you,” Dan said. He meant it. He loved Phil.  


Phil’s nose nudged Dan’s trying to hint that Dan should comply with his movements. Phil’s lips ghosted across Dan’s in a teasing motion. He peppered small kisses onto Dan’s lips, inviting him to join in. “I love you too,” Phil said between kisses. Dan’s teeth grabbed for Phil’s lower lip. That slight need of control was burning in him but Phil wasn’t going to let him have it. Phil’s hand went directly into Dan’s hair and he wrapped his fingers around some wavy locks. He pulled Dan’s head to the side to gain more access to his neck. Nipping and kissing from Dan’s lips down to his jaw, he could already hear the noises escaping Dan’s lips. The sounds of want and desperation. Phil trailed his lips past Dan’s jaw and down his neck. Dan felt his breath hitch and a moan escaped his lips. Dan was grinding his hips into Phil’s to cause some friction. His mind was swimming with thoughts that needed satisfying. 

“So, are we going to do this or what?” Phil asked pulling Dan’s hair harder. 

Dan felt his hips stop moving. 

Phil’s lips continued to kiss up and down Dan’s neck as he waited for an answer. 

Dan pulled his neck away and Phil stopped. His hand loosened its grip on Dan’s hair as well. Dan felt his cheeks burning with embarrassment. Phil looked at him with wide eyes, obviously trying to find an answer. 

“I’m sorry,” Dan croaked as he tried to compose himself. This wasn’t something that happened often. When the opportunity for morning sex arose they usually took advantage of it. 

Phil watched as Dan closed his eyes and kept them closed. “Dan, don’t be sorry. Never be sorry about not being in the mood,” Phil said in his most understanding voice. Dan snuggled into Phil’s body. He hoped the gesture would be good enough to answer Phil. 

“You know, one of the reasons I love you is because you have the best cuddles,” Phil whispered. Dan felt his lips twitch up into a tiny smile. 

“I love you because you always know what to say Phil,” Dan said. 

Phil laughed lightly at the comment. That wasn’t always true. He knew how to handle Dan no matter what mood he was in. When they got into a fight words got exchanged sometimes. “I love the way you smile at me,” Phil couldn’t contain his own smile as he said it. 

“I love that you’re understanding,” Dan whispered into Phil’s shoulder. He had snuggled as close into Phil’s chest as he could. Phil’s arm held him close. He could hear Phil’s heart racing in his chest. It was one the most relaxing things for Dan. This was what he meant about never wanting to leave. 

Phil pressed a soft kiss into Dan’s wavy hair. 

“Thanks for understanding…this. Um, I just want to appreciate you for you right now without sex.” Dan felt like he was fumbling on words. It felt like his first time all over again. Phil was his first time with a guy and there were still moments where he felt like they were back in Phil’s bedroom. Fumbling on words and gestures. Nerves running high and hearts racing even faster. Phil moving slow and trying to assure Dan he wouldn’t hurt him. The consideration and thought that was put into that weekend alone meant the world to Dan. The morning after Phil had made breakfast in bed and then they spent the rest of the day lying in bed watching Buffy. Dan was sore but Phil took care of him. He was compassionate and no one had to ask him to be that way. 

Phil felt the happiness rising in him. Even if they weren’t going to have sex it felt nice to appreciate each other. Dan snuggled up in his arms at 9:30 am in the morning was one of the best things he could ask for. “Anytime honey,” Phil said as he buried his face into Dan’s hair. He could stay like this all day if that was what Dan wanted. Dan’s breathing was becoming slower, almost as if he was going to fall back asleep. “Don’t you fall asleep on me,” Phil joked. He wanted Dan to stay awake so they could start breakfast soon. 

“I’m just thinking about you,” Dan cooed into Phil’s chest. 

Phil smiled into Dan’s hair, “What are you thinking about?” 

“I’m thinking about the first time we met and filmed,” Dan could feel his cheeks burning. Even if Phil couldn’t see him, he could tell Dan was smiling slightly. His dimples would be creasing his face and he would have a slight smile. 

“That was a great weekend. I was so nervous to meet you, then when I saw you at the train station I knew I shouldn’t be scared.” There was no reason to feel scared. Seeing that thin, emo haired boy walking around the train station in search of someone he had only seen on a computer screen. He looked worried, almost nervous as he looked around the crowds of people. He was looking for the phones because that was where they had planned to meet. When they locked eyes and finally hugged that changed Dan’s worried look into a smile. It truly was the best time of their lives meeting and making that video. 

Dan shifted slightly to get comfortable. “I’m happy we met, you’ve made me the happiest person,” Dan said with all the sincerity that he had. 

Phil felt the color in his cheeks rise due to that comment. “I’m happy too. Are you hungry?” 

“We’re having a serious romantic moment and you are thinking about food?” joked Dan as he poked Phil with his finger. 

Phil squeaked in response to the action. “I’ll make you pancakes,” Phil offered in his most charming voice. It was almost singsong making it too irresistible to say no. 

“Can I stay in bed?” Dan countered.

Phil pressed another kiss into Dan’s hair, “Yes, you can stay in bed Bear.” 

***

The last two trips out to the cottage had been spent cleaning the decades of dust out of the house and throwing away unnecessary furniture. Phil had also started to clear out the yard. Four days a week didn’t always feel like it was enough time to get all the work done. 

Phil worked diligently in the yard. His goal was to clear the tall, overgrown, tangled mess of weeds and grass. The dream of having his own garden was now possible. He could grow flowers and vegetables now that they had a yard. The years of overgrowth made it a big job to clean up the yard but it would be worth it in the end. Phil had a vision. He wanted to plant flowers near the huge hedges to give the yard more color. The stone path that was almost not visible due to the plant growth had stones that needed replacing. The Virginia Creepers growing on the cottage needed to be trimmed down slightly. The hedges would need to be sculpted and shaped again. Phil planned to build a planter box to grow the vegetables in. A bench under one of the trees in the yard would add a romantic touch to the yard, Phil could see Dan sitting there reading in the afternoon sun.  
He wanted to make this yard beautiful for Dan. They had discussed putting in a small fire pit and surrounding it with wooden patio chairs painted white. Terracotta pots filled with various plants would be the final piece to complete the yard. 

Phil had over a dozen bin bags filled with plant debris. At least the yard was beginning to look bare. A blank canvas for Phil to work with. His vision was clear and he knew how he wanted it to look. He pushed forward and kept working. The harder he worked the sooner it would be done and he could start making his vision come to life.  
Meanwhile inside Dan tackled the never-ending battle of clearing out the rooms. Today was the upstairs room full of boxes. It was a contained, organized type of mess. Dan liked that he could pull a box down and sort through it. If something of interest was found he put it aside to show Phil later. Much like a small child finding a pebble or leaf. When he was finished sorting he would tape the box up and set it aside for the garbage. Most of the stuff he found in the boxes in this room were magazines and newspapers. The odd box would contain some knick-knacks that were already damaged. They were hidden away in those boxes instead of out on display, hidden away in hopes that one day they’d be repaired instead of thrown away. 

Dan felt like he was putting these items out of their misery. They would no longer have to wait for that day or hope for repair. They would just simply leave this place and go elsewhere. Dan would admire them all before he put them back into the boxes destined for the trash. The previous owner had a lot of beautiful things. There were many antiques and collectibles that Phil did want to keep. They wanted to keep some of the old fashioned charm of the little cottage, while adding their own modern geeky touch. 

The next box Dan opened was full of china tea cups. They were charming. Each cup was painted with a different flower. Sadly whoever tossed the box into this room had damaged most of the cups. Most of them were missing their handles, severely chipped or broken into pieces. Dan’s heart hurt. How could someone be so careless? Dan looked for a survivor in the wreckage. Something delicate and sweet to put on a table in the living room. He sifted through the box in hopes to rescue just one. He was taking the risk of cutting his fingers open trying to save one priceless, useless china tea cup. As he dug further he saw one. The only one that seemed to have survived the damage. The blue flower painted on the tea cup stuck out like a beacon in the storm. Dan picked it up carefully and studied it. The flower was the color of Phil’s eyes. Dan didn’t recognize the flower but it was a blue Iris. He took the tea cup out of the room and to the safest place he knew, the living room. He couldn’t stand to see it in all the chaos. He couldn’t risk it. After seeing the sad fate the rest of that beautiful tea cup collection took he felt this cup deserved a better life. 

Of course Phil loved the tea cup when he saw it after supper. It would sit on the coffee table with a fine little doily Dan found in another box. 

The room had been cleaned out and the boxes joined the bin bags outside. Everything was ready for Dan and Phil’s trip into town. 

***

“I’m thinking Innocent Daisy for the outside and Snowy Night for the inside,” Phil said over his morning coffee. This morning was quite gray and dreary. Dan felt his mind wandering instead of listening to Phil. A discussion about house paints seemed less interesting then thinking about how sad he felt. Sure they had accomplished a great amount of stuff this week at the cottage but the thoughts of returning to London weighed heavy on Dan’s mind. He wasn’t ready. He didn’t want to leave the cottage behind. What if this was all a dream? What if the cottage was not real? 

“The Chocolate Lab brown will look great trimming the windows outside,” Phil continued to voice his opinion about the house paints. Dan fidgeted with his spoon as he stirred his cereal around the bowl. His appetite was gone. He felt not only sad but discouraged by life. Why did he have to have responsibilities? Why can’t they have time off? This was the only time they had privacy. This was the only time they had without prying eyes and screaming fans. 

Phil noticed Dan’s vacant look. He knew what was going on. Maybe it was greedy but he didn’t address it. He let it slide. Dan wasn’t going to talk about what was wrong, so why push? He continued to talk about house paint as if it was the most interesting thing to talk about. It was something they were going to have to purchase today. The next trip out meant painting the rooms in the cottage and the outside of the property. Phil had spent a few days pondering what colors to paint the cottage inside and out. Dan was the one who suggested simple and clean like their flat in London. It was so simple yet all their possessions gave the place a pop of color. With all the antiques and painting they had decided to keep, newly painted white walls would complement them. 

Once breakfast bowls were cleared from the table and dishes were done, they headed out to the small little town near the cottage. Dan offered to drive the rental car into town. Phil watched him carefully. He felt sorry for Dan. If only he understood how great the rain was going to be for their yard. The rain beat down on the car in torrents. It was a refreshing yet chaotic drive. The small town was dainty and sweet, much like a small town you would see in a children’s book. When they arrived at the small hardware store it was a quick stop. Phil ordered the paint and Dan wandered around the hardware store in search of nothing in particular. His eyes surveyed a shelf of garden accessories. Little gnomes and terracotta figures lined the shelves. Some of the little animals were quite cute and Dan knew once Phil saw them they would have to put a collection of them in the yard.  


Dan was so lost in his thoughts as he wandered around the gardening area he didn’t notice the shop owner watching him. His voice ripped Dan out of his daze, “Your yard is spacious so you can do anything you want with it.” 

Dan looked up instantly to see a friendly old gentleman smiling at him. He had white hair and glasses. He wore a flat hat and plaid shirt. He looked jovial like an everyday Santa Claus. Dan liked him. 

“Have you been to our cottage before?” Dan asked curiously. 

The old man laughed lightly, “Oh, many a times. Used to drop off plants to the old woman who lived there for years. Beautiful place.” 

“It really is,” Dan mused at the thought. 

“I am Jon,” the old man said as he put his hand out towards Dan. 

Dan politely shook his hand and introduced himself. Jon offered advice or help if they needed it with the cottage and Dan graciously thanked him. 

Phil soon joined him and they continued onto their next destination – home. 

The rain continued to beat down on the roof throughout the rest of the day. Phil had suggested spending the rest of the day in bed watching an anime. Dan snuggled in close to Phil and let the drumming of the rain lull him into a light sleep. Every hour that ticked away meant it was getting closer to leaving. In the morning Dan and Phil had to head back to London for their radio show. Phil was dreading it because he knew Dan was becoming depressed. He could smile and say he was ok but deep down he was hurting. Phil kept telling him how much he loved him all day. He thought if he kept reminding Dan of all the reasons he was so amazing that would make him feel better. Dan just snuggled in closer and said nothing. 

***

Phil didn’t know how he ended up being the one driving the next morning but he didn’t want to fight. He didn’t want to see Dan anymore upset then he already was. As they packed up their suitcases and locked down the cottage he could see the pained look Dan was wearing. The look of defeat and sadness. Once the car was all packed up, Dan opened up the car door and sat in the passenger seat. It had been a long time since Phil saw Dan wear his hoodie with the horns. It was pulled up over his head to hide his face. To hide the fact that he was battling a war inside his head and he couldn’t look at Phil without coming undone. 

They drove with a silence between them. Muse played quietly in the car to fill that void somewhat. The rain continued to pour down from the gray sky. It was one of the longest drives in Phil’s life. Three hours of Dan being completely silent. He knew better then to push so he left Dan alone. Phil knew he could have tried to talk but sometimes silence was a good thing. It was giving Dan time to think through what was bothering him and it gave Phil time to think of something he could do to cheer him up. 

When they arrived in front of their flat Dan was the first one out of the car. He hurried to open the trunk and grab his bags, making his way for the flat. Phil turned off the engine and stepped out of the car. His legs felt stiff from the three hour drive. He slowly gathered his things and headed inside. It was nice in a way to be home but at the same time it felt weird. They now had two places to call home. Phil did not miss the climb up the stairs though. Once all the doors were locked and all the stairs climbed Phil was finally in his bedroom. The bright colored duvet welcomed him back and the cacti seemed to patiently wait for him get unpacked before he watered them.  
There was only one thing missing in his room. 

Phil finished unpacking before he went to search for Dan. He started with the lounge and then the kitchen. He knew Dan wouldn’t be in the office so by process of elimination it was obvious he was in his room. 

Phil made his way down the hallway and stopped in front of Dan’s door when he got there, he listened. He didn’t want to wake or disturb Dan. He listened as intently as he could. He could make out the muffled sound of crying. There was nothing he wanted more then to throw the door open and go to Dan. To hold him close and tell him how much he loved him. Phil stepped away from the door and went into his room. He left the door open a crack and decided to get some rest. He needed to have a rested mind before he tried to fix Dan. Phil felt discouraged at how fast Dan had gone downhill. They had been so happy at the start of this trip and then Dan become sad close to the end. Phil rubbed his hands over his face in frustration. What was he going to do? How could he make him feel better?

Dan had curled into himself. Making himself as small as possible in the fetal position. His head and eyes ached severely from crying. His body was cramped from how tight he was holding himself. He couldn’t bear the thought of dragging Phil down with him this time. He knew he had ruined this trip. Everything had gone so well until the rain and the hours ticking down till they left. Dan felt like a child for crying but he felt lost. He felt like he was losing a grip on those romantic days. Phil couldn’t love him for this. Phil deserved better then him. He deserved the sun not the moon. Phil deserved more than Dan could provide. Dan’s brain continued to scream loudly as he drifted to sleep. Why would someone like Phil love him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Three is in progress! 
> 
> I'll try to post Mondays! I'll warn everyone now that this weekend is very busy with a wedding and such so the chapter might not be up Monday but Tuesday!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The summer sun was not meant for boys like me. Boys like me belonged to the rain.”  
> ― Benjamin Alire Sáenz, Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe

Phil let Dan sleep alone that night. He knew Dan needed space. He needed to be allowed to breath on his own. When morning finally arrived Phil awoke still alone in bed. He felt lonely. He missed Dan and it was only one night away from each other. But in the true Phil spirit he got up and made coffee. He waited in the lounge for Dan to get up. He would make them breakfast and they would do something together. It seemed like Dan was never going to get out of bed. Phil could feel his impatience burning when it was already noon and Dan wasn’t up. 

The gray clouds and rain continued to plague London. It was a bleak and dreary day but Phil was not going to let Dan hide in his room. They were due at BBC Radio at 7 PM. That would give them enough time to do something together. Phil got up from the couch and walked down the hall to Dan’s bedroom. He was done waiting. He threw the door open which startled Dan. 

“Get up,” Phil said in a slightly annoyed tone. He didn’t mean to come off mad sounding. Dan looked at him with the saddest look on his face. He knew Phil was annoyed with him but he couldn’t change how he felt. Phil’s expression shifted slightly from annoyance to concern. He walked over the Dan’s bed and lay down beside him. Phil weaved his arms around Dan’s thin body. He intertwined their fingers and pulled Dan’s back into his chest until his head rest on Dan’s shoulder. Dan’s breathing was staggering and Phil knew what that meant. 

“I’m sorry I raised my voice,” Phil whispered. He tried to soothe Dan’s breathing. 

Dan didn’t respond. Phil knew by how Dan’s chest was constricting and moving he was crying. “I love you so much,” Phil said in a quiet voice. His chin nestled in more on Dan’s shoulder so he could whisper in Dan’s ear. “I love you, Danny and I want you to feel better,” Phil said in a sad voice. He hurt watching Dan go through this.  
“I don’t deserve you,” Dan choked out. 

Dan felt like he was suffocating. He was drowning emotionally and choking for air. He was upset and he wanted to wallow in self-pity. “You can do better Phil,” said Dan between the hiccups that were starting. When he was really upset and crying he would get hiccups. Phil tightened his grip on Dan’s hand, he breathed in calmly, and composed himself.  
Phil breathed in deeply and sighed, “Dan, wipe that thought from your head. I am here because I love you and you are the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. You are my best friend and my forever. I will put a ring on your finger if that will prove it to you, I’ll do anything to prove it to you.” 

Dan shook his head. He didn’t know what he was supposed to say. Phil loved him and he knew that. He didn’t like that he got doubtful. He hated that he was being like this. 

“You know you are my only one. When you get sad Danny, you panic. I am always going to be here, always going to love you, always going to hold you, always going to fight for you and always going to save you,” Phil said in his loving tone. He could feel Dan’s breathing in a more calmed state. He didn’t need to do much more then be patient with Dan. 

“I’ll love you forever Dan. Please remember that,” Phil whispered. 

Dan sighed and cleared his throat, “I love you too. I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, feel better and lets face this day,” whispered Phil as he leaned his head forward to press a soft kiss on Dan’s cheek. 

Dan’s eyes began to itch slightly from the tears but he remained snuggled into Phil’s arms. He needed this. He need the comfort of Phil, the calmness of his heart beating, the sound of his voice as it guided him from the darkness into the light. Phil loved him and he knew better then to doubt that love. 

Phil started to flex his fingers a bit, “Sorry to ruin this moment but my hands cramping.” 

Dan felt a laugh escape his lips as he let go of Phil’s hand. When Phil’s hand was freed he flexed his fingers. “You think that’s funny hey?” Phil laughed. 

Dan shook his head no. “How about I give you something to laugh about?” Phil teased as his fingers grabbed at Dan’s side. 

“No! I’m good! N-no-nooo,” Dan squealed as Phil tickled him. Dan tried to jerk away but Phil wouldn’t let him. 

“You aren’t going anywhere,” Phil said as he kept tickling Dan. Dan squirmed madly trying to get away from Phil. “If you want me to stop you’ll have to smile,” Phil taunted. 

Dan rolled towards Phil and tried to show him his best smile. Phil tickled him and his straight face faltered. Phil laughed and kept bugging him to try to smile without laughing. 

Dan was near hyperventilating when Phil finally stopped. He pressed a light kiss to Dan’s forehead before speaking, “We have to get to work in six hours so maybe we could play some video games? Spend some quality time together?” Phil suggested. 

Dan looked up at Phil. He was smiling his usual smile. He was trying to bring all the sunlight in the bleakest and grayest of days. It was hard to say no even if he was feeling down.

Phil was looking at him with complete love and devotion. Thinking of Dan before himself. 

“Sounds good. I need a shower though, you can join me if you like,” Dan said with a slight smirk. 

Phil looked at him for a moment and the smile on his face told Dan he was obviously not thinking of having a clean shower. 

Unfortunately Phil only got to wash Dan’s hair and tease him a bit. He was again not in the mood. Phil really wished Dan would get back in the mood soon. Phil of course was a gentleman and he was not going to come out and say he was getting anxious. It had only been about two to three weeks. He should be able to handle himself a bit better. He smiled and towelled Dan off and acted like the loving boyfriend while cursing himself for getting worked up in the shower. Dan on the other hand was quite content to be a complete tease. He had no problems touching Phil or aggravating Phil in one way or another. It seemed that Dan not being in the mood meant it was ok to torment Phil. The rest of their afternoon was filled with Halo. Phil let Dan take control of the game choices and somehow it ended up being Halo. They spent most of that time banting and trying to distract each other. Dan’s method always being the sexual sort- in this case Dan kept trying to kiss Phil’s nose or cheek. When he missed he went for Phil’s ear and bit at it. Phil was a little more verbal- he kept talking about different games, his blue balls, Dan being a tease, and how he was going to do nasty things to Dan when he got him alone in their bedroom. 

All that still went over Dan’s head and soon he was off winning the game and Phil was left wondering if there was something he could do to get Dan out of the no sex funk he was in. That almost seemed worse than when he got sad out of nowhere. It became too much when Dan finally crawled into Phil’s lap and was straddling him. The ultimate distraction. 

“You better be straddling me for sexual reasons,” Phil threatened as he tried to keep playing Halo. Dan rocked his hips back and forth and Phil was starting to get distracted. He wanted to let out a long string of profanities because of Dan. It was truly annoying that he was doing this. 

“Kiss me?” Dan said with a breathy voice. It was desperate. Asking for attention. Phil wanted to give into him but he also thought it would be fair to make him work for it. Phil put the controller down and looked at Dan. 

His eyes swam with emotion. Unsure of what he wanted but somehow knowing that they needed something. Dan wanted to give Phil more but his mind was buzzing too much with indecision. It was an off time for them. Phil’s hands gripped Dan’s hips and he pulled him forward slightly so Dan could feel him rocking his hips underneath him. If Dan wanted to be a tease then he would get a tease. Phil’s lips kissed the corner of Dan’s mouth. Not giving him exactly what he wanted but something. His lips trailed down Dan’s jaw and towards his neck. The most sensitive part of Dan was his neck. Phil took his time nipping and kissing at Dan’s neck. Dan moaned and begged for Phil to kiss him not tease him. Phil’s tongue trailed up Dan’s neck to his jaw and he stopped to look at Dan in front of him. He looked like a mess. He was distracted but the look on his face was stern. It wasn’t a happy look. 

“I asked you to kiss me,” Dan said with a little bit of venom. He pushed Phil’s arms away from him and he got up. He left the room in a quickened pace. Phil waited a few beats and heard a door slam. With that Phil sighed and sat back on the couch. What the hell just happened? 

***

Work was uneventful. They seemed like their normal selves when they were working but once they stepped back onto the tube, Dan was off in his own world. He was somewhere between sad and mad. It was killing Phil trying to figure this out. Obviously he needed to do something to fix the problem. Even when they got home they were on different plains. Dan went upstairs to the gaming room to game and Phil stayed in the lounge. Phil worked diligently away at a small project he was working on for Dan. He wondered if he would be spending the night alone again but Dan snuck into his room around 3:00 AM to sleep. 

Dan couldn’t stand the thought of sleeping alone tonight. He was feeling hurt and the only thing he wanted was to lay beside Phil and listen to him breath. He needed to be better and he knew that. This numb feeling about leaving the cottage and coming home was somewhat childish. The rain was depressing but sunshine would come out soon. Phil as usual was a saint and tried his best to help Dan feel better. When he lay down, Phil’s arms instantly found him, pulling him close to him, and embracing him. Tomorrow the sadness needed to go away, it needed to go away for his sake and Phil’s. Sleep came easier when he was snuggled into Phil’s arms. 

***

Phil had to sneak out of the bedroom the next morning. A single sticky note sat on Phil’s pillow. When Dan woke up he found it.

“Good morning Bear, please look for the next sticky note.” – Phil

Dan smiled a little. Only Phil could find a way to use his Sword Art Online sticky notes in a romantic way. He dragged himself from the bed and looked around the room. There was a sticky note on the door. 

“Good morning luv, you need to go get ready!” – Phil

Dan took the note with him and headed down the hall towards the bathroom. So this was what Phil wanted to do today. He wanted to have a scavenger hunt and who knew what would be the end result but Dan felt himself smiling. Outside the bathroom door was another sticky note. 

“I got up early to get this ready for you! Quit wasting time reading and get ready.” – Phil <3

Dan could feel the muscles in his face aching as he smiled. Damn Phil. He pushed his way into the bathroom and saw more sticky notes. 

“Use the bath bomb and have a nice bath.” – Phil

“You have an hour to spend in the bathroom before you need to head to your bedroom.” – Phil ;)

“Wash your hair and shave. You’ll understand soon.” – Phil

Dan was overwhelmed but anxious to see what notes were in his bedroom. He hurried along but followed Phil’s time line. Obviously timing was important. The bath bomb smelled of chocolate and Dan felt relaxed. He tried to text Phil but he wasn’t getting any response back. He continued on with the instructions he was given and spent an hour in the bathroom getting ready. 

The sticky note on his bedroom door was the sweetest thing he had ever read. 

“If kisses were raindrops, I’d send you a storm. I can’t wait to kiss you today.” – Phil xox

When did Phil make these notes? 

Inside Dan’s room he found one on his wardrobe. 

“Wear your blackest clothes. You need to look soulless.” – Phil :) 

Dan laughed. He knew he had a permanent smile on his face. Only Phil could call him soulless and it made him feel good about himself.

He searched through his wardrobe. Some of his shirts had notes saying “Try Again”. 

Phil could have picked out what he wanted him to wear but where was the fun in that? Dan finally found a shirt in the draw that was black and perfect. Getting dressed didn’t take long and in the process he noticed another sticky note on his computer. 

“Head down to the kitchen.” – Phil

Dan made sure to keep his eyes peeled for any sticky notes on the way to the kitchen. To his disappointment there wasn’t any. He really liked finding all the notes. 

In the kitchen he saw his box of cereal and a bowl out on the table. Of course there was a sticky note on his cereal box. 

“I didn’t snack on any of your cereal. Have some breakfast. Coffee has been brewed.” – Phil

Dan turned around to find another note on the coffee pot. 

“After breakfast, head to the lounge. There is something there for you.” – Phil

Dan chose one of his favorite mugs and poured himself some coffee. He went into the fridge to find a sticky note on the milk. 

“We might be slightly out of milk. Enjoy breakfast!” –Luv Phil

Of course they would be almost out of milk. Dan ate his breakfast and cleaned up. He knew there was something waiting in the lounge for him and he wanted to see what it was. He hurried down the hall and into the lounge. It looked relatively empty. Obviously this was the point where he would have to hunt for the next clue. Dan started with the mantle and worked his way around the TV. Nothing. He walked around checking the tables by the couch but still nothing. Dan looked at the couch. Would Phil hide something there?  


He started with Phil’s side of the couch. He looked under all the cushions and blankets. There was nothing there though. That could only mean that it was on Dan’s side. He threw back the ruined cushions on his side of the couch and that’s when he saw it. It was a small box with a sticky note on it. 

“You’ll have to go down to the landing to find the rest.” – Luv Phil <3

Dan checked the box but it was empty. There was nothing in that small black box. Dan felt slightly disappointed but obviously this wasn’t the end. There was something that belonged in that box. 

Dan made his way down to the landing next and there was his black high top shoes with the studs waiting for him. Dan knew that this note would be directions. He was going to have to find Phil. 

“Baby, meet me at our Starbucks.” – Luv Phil xoxo

It was still gray and raining out in London but Dan didn’t care. He was willing to go outside and risk getting hobbit hair to see Phil. He put on his black jacket and pulled on his shoes. He shoved all the notes in his pocket along with the black box. Checking his phone once before leaving. There was no messages from Phil yet. Dan decided to tell him he was on his way. 

The walk was brisk and Dan wanted to hurry there as quickly as possible. He had to admit, Phil had really put a lot of effort into this day and it made him feel special. Phil didn’t have to do this for him. Obviously he owed Phil big time. He pushed his legs to move faster. He made his way towards the Starbucks that was only a ten minute walk from their place. Dan pushed himself physically to get there and when he arrived he was pleasantly surprised to see Phil standing outside the coffee shop waiting for him. 

“Hello handsome,” Phil said with a happy tone. He was wearing his galaxy print jacket. He must have already had his coffee inside but he stood there with something in his hand. It was an envelope. He looked towards Dan and he looked so happy. Dan knew he was smiling because he was finally smiling. 

“Hey Philly,” Dan said smiling at him. Even on the drizzliest day Phil’s smile was the sun. 

Phil handed Dan the envelope and waited for him to look at it. 

Dan felt hesitant but he opened the envelope to find a letter. 

My Dearest Dan, 

Hopelessly I’ll love you endlessly,  
Hopelessly I’ll give you everything,  
But I won’t give you up,  
I won’t let you down.  
And I won’t leave you falling  
If the moment ever comes.  
It’s plain to see, it’s trying to speak.  
Cherished dreams forever asleep.  
Hopelessly I’ll love you endlessly. 

I know you’ve been going through a hard time, but I will always be there for you. I will always love you. That will never change. I will keep falling in love over and over with you because that is what you do to me. 

The love I feel for you burns bright like the sun. You are my moon that shines through the night. You bring the best out in me and no one understands just what you mean to me. Today I asked you to be patient and go on a scavenger hunt. You found a small empty black box in the process. Here is the thing, you need to go back home with me to find that final piece that belongs in the box. 

I want you to know my love is eternal for you. This is my proof that I love you and will do anything for you. My life wouldn’t be complete if I didn’t see your beautiful brown eyes when I woke up. My life wouldn’t be filled with joy without your loud voice and your life. And I wouldn’t be able to face every day smiling without seeing your smiling face and dimples. 

I remember a time when Endlessly by Muse was how I felt. I never thought I would get to be with you. I listened to this song on repeat hoping you would one day fall in love with me like I was falling in love with you. 

I loved you before we met, and I love you continuously today.

Forever yours,  
Phil Lester

Dan could feel the tears in his eyes. Phil watched Dan folded the letter back up and putting it in the envelope. “I love you,” Dan said in a choked tone. Phil’s letter really got to him. He felt butterflies in the pit of his stomach. 

“Let’s head back. You have to finish the scavenger hunt,” Phil teased. They walked back and talked lightly about how and when Phil had time to set this all up. The walk didn’t take long and they were soon back in their flat. Phil smiled at Dan in the landing as they shuffled out of their coats and shoes. Dan couldn’t stop looking at Phil. He felt his heart fluttering nervously in his chest. He wanted to kiss Phil. It felt like the first weekend they spend together all over again. 

Phil’s hands gently found Dan’s shoulders as he pushed him against the wall of the landing. “I told you in one of my notes, I couldn’t wait to kiss you today. So, may I kiss you?” Phil asked in a polite singsong voice. 

Dan could feel the color raising in his cheeks and his ability to breathe choking him of words. He shook his head and looked Phil in the eyes. Dan had no idea why he had to be nervous beyond belief right now. Even though Dan was taller now he felt like he needed to stand on his tip toes to reach Phil. Dan leaned forward and pressed his lips to Phil’s, he went slow but he kissed him with all the passion he had in his body. There was no need to bite or fight for dominance. It was all about this kiss and this moment. 

Phil kissed him back with as much passion and love. Dan rested his head against Phil’s forehead when they broke from their kiss. It felt like their first kiss all over again and Dan could feel not only the blush but the smile pulling at his face. 

“If you go upstairs to our gaming room that is where I left your gift,” Phil said with a warm smile. 

Dan could feel Phil coaxing him to move again. He almost didn’t care about what Phil could have bought. He wanted to kiss Phil as much as possible. “Go Dan,” Phil said in an anxious voice. Phil was basically pushing Dan up the stairs now. The walk up to the top room seemed to take forever but once they finally got there Phil told Dan to grab a seat at the desk. 

Dan didn’t know if it was his nerves or he was just anxious to see what Phil had hidden away. This could really be anything. Phil opened the drawer of the cabinet in their gaming room. “Close your eyes and put out your hands,” Phil whispered. Dan complied but felt nervous. Phil’s hand touched Dan’s right hand as he pulled it closer to him. 

“Are your eyes still closed?” Phil teased as he turned Dan’s hand around in his. 

Dan scoffed a little at the question, “Of course.” 

Dan could feel something touching his finger on his right hand and he got a little nervous. What did Phil have? It had to be sexual. It had been a long time…it had to be something for their paused sex life. 

“Dan, I said I would do anything to prove to you that you are my forever. Well, this is a promise I’m putting on your finger today,” Phil said as he pushed the cold metal onto Dan’s right ring finger. 

Dan’s eyes shot open and he saw the black tungsten ring on his finger. “Phil?”

“Dan, this promise ring means I will forever love you and be there for you. This is the start of forever.”

Phil shifted slightly as he looked at Dan, “I know you probably expected an engagement ring but there will be a right time for that. We have time. I want you to know that my proof of love is here,” Phil said as he twisted the ring on Dan’s finger. 

Dan couldn’t help but look at the ring. He really liked it. Did Phil plan a whole day just to give him a promise ring? 

“You hate it, I knew black might be a little too much,” Phil said in a worried voice. 

Dan laughed a little. He could feel the tears in his eyes forming. He couldn’t help it, “I love it Phil. I really do.” 

Dan couldn’t stop looking at the ring. Phil’s promise was there on his finger as a constant reminder that he truly deserved him. 

***

The remaining days in London where spent doing laundry and packing to go back to the cottage. Dan and Phil would be embarking on their first ever painting experience. It couldn’t be that hard right? With furniture ordered for the bedroom and living room it was time to get the upstairs livable. They knew it was close to a month of owning the cottage which meant they really needed to get their bedroom done and dispose of the broken futon they took out there. 

Dan’s mood had significantly improved. He was bubblier and part of it was the return to the cottage. Solitude was a beautiful feeling and he hated not being able to have it. Phil had been quite proactive when it came to organizing the rental car and getting all the groceries picked up. Phil had yet to tell Dan they were going to have a longer stay at the cottage this time. He thought he would wait till they got there and unpacked to give him the good news. 

“Take some of the house plants with you. They keep wilting when we are gone,” Dan suggested as he walked through the lounge in search of controllers for the game console he was bringing out this trip. Phil had to double take – did Dan suggest bringing some plants? Phil grabbed a few plants he knew could use some sunlight and fresh air. The cottage was slowly becoming their home. Every trip it became a little more their own. In time it would be the perfect cottage for Dan and Phil. The perfect home for their growing future.  


Phil watched Dan pack the last bag of stuff they needed. It felt like the first time in a while that Dan had looked happy. It was like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Phil felt hopeful that this was going to be the start of a more positive foundation for their relationship. It was the next chapter in their life. Phil had a lot of things running through his mind since he purchased the cottage with Dan and the thoughts of forever were continuously playing through his head. 

One day Phil hoped it would be Dan and him, their two children, one dog and one cat living in that little cottage that was lost behind dense growth of trees and brush. The perfect dream that anyone could hope for. The perfect picture of happiness and solitude.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry its late!! 
> 
> I was working crazily in the car trying to finish this between our road trip for work!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It is often in the darkest skies that we see the brightest stars.” – Richard Evans

Dan gasped in desperation. Phil rolled his hips into Dan’s clothed backside. His hand moved feverishly against Dan’s dick. This was a fantasy come true for Phil to have Dan pushed over the kitchen table. The fact that he made Dan into a moaning mess was the biggest reward. Phil’s hand pumped up and down faster with every moan Dan made.

“You sure you don’t want to have sex,” Phil croaked out as he focused on Dan’s pleasure. 

Dan could hardly answer between moans but he managed to get his answer out in a shaken fashion, “Answer is still no. I’ll blow you later, Philly.” 

Phil groaned at that word. NO was becoming his least favorite word. A blow job from Dan would solve all the pent up need he had but it wasn’t the same as burying himself deep into Dan’s body. Dan did have a talent with his mouth and the thought drove Phil wild. Maybe it wasn’t so bad. Phil’s hand pumped faster and Dan was starting to tense up. He could feel the burn in the pit of his stomach and Phil’s hand was gentle but knew the right pressure to grip him. The fact that such a simple gesture like a hand job could reduce Dan into a moaning catastrophe was beyond his comprehension but Phil knew how to draw it out of him. 

Phil kept his beat going as Dan started to come undone in all the right ways. Phil could feel Dan’s body convulse with his orgasm and Dan’s knees went a little weak when he came. Phil held his boyfriend tight just in case his knees were that weak. Dan was out of breath but there was a sense of bliss floating through his body. Nothing felt better then release. Phil peppered kisses onto the back of his neck and made sure Dan was good to stand on his own before leaving his side to clean up the mess they had made. It was courteous to help clean up one another in these hastened moments. One of the unwritten and unspoken rules of their sexual relationship. 

Dan stayed leaning against the kitchen table as he caught his breath. His legs had the shakes and his toes tingled. This only happened when Phil touched him. It was like Phil had a power over him and whenever he found his sweet release he was left in this shaken state. Complete bliss plagued his body and mind. Phil returned with a wash cloth, ready to clean up Dan and their kitchen. 

“You doing ok?” Phil asked in concern when he saw Dan was still leaning against the kitchen table. His head rest on his hands that were clasp together and had braced his lean against the table. Phil ran his free hand up Dan’s back as he cleaned Dan up. Dan kept breathing slowly in and out till his legs stopped shaking so much and he could stand up straight. Phil watched him diligently but let Dan straighten up and get himself tucked back in. Dan turned around to find himself face to face with Phil. He stepped forward and pulled Phil into a hug. 

“I am great,” Dan said as he kissed Phil’s cheek. His legs were still a little bit shaky and his toes were tingling. Phil would be getting rewarded after supper tonight.

***

“Phiilll,” Dan screeched as Phil dribbled paint on top of his head. 

Phil looked down from the ladder at Dan who was painting the lower boards of the cottage. “Sorry bear,” was all Phil could say between his laughing fit. Some more paint dripped form his paint brush and hit Dan. 

“Bad Phil! Stop dribbling paint everywhere!” scolded Dan as he moved away from Phil and decided to paint another part of the cottage. 

The outside of the cottage only needed a few touch ups. Thankfully they wouldn’t have to paint the whole outside. Being back at the cottage was good for them. The first morning back they were already getting touchy in the kitchen. When Phil tried to play Mortal Kombat that night Dan kept him distracted with the blow job he promised Phil. There was something about the cottage that brought out different sides of the boys. It must have been the fresh air. 

They worked away on the outside of the cottage for two days. Phil managed to keep dribbling paint onto Dan the whole time. “You look so cute all painted up,” Phil teased from atop the ladder. 

The glare Dan gave him was worth it. “You keep doing that so you have an excuse to get in the shower with me,” Dan chided. 

“Pretty and smart,” said Phil as he purposely leaned down and touched Dan’s ear with the paint brush. 

Dan jerked away quickly at the cold, wet sensation on his ear. “You cheeky little bugger,” Dan screeched as he tried to wipe away the paint on his ear. 

Smiling Phil tried to flick more paint at Dan. 

“Stop it!” Dan yelled as he ran across the front yard. Phil could see the smile across Dan’s face and he knew it was harmless. Dan wasn’t mad at him. 

“Come here, I want to paint you like one of those French girls,” Phil snorted as he went back to painting the cottage. 

Dan was still across the yard, putting a safe distance between them and the risk of getting more paint on himself. “It’s draw me like one of your French girls. Not paint, Phil,” Dan corrected. He made sure to give Phil his most sarcastic look. 

“Wipe that sarcastic smile off your face before I bite that lip,” Phil threatened with a smirk on his face. 

Dan continued to give Phil that look. “Come and get me,” Dan taunted Phil further with his smile. 

Phil climbed down from the ladder and looked at Dan one last time before dropping his paint brush. Dan’s eyes grew big and he dropped his paint brush too. “Better run baby,” Phil said as he took off after Dan. It took Dan a good second to realize he was going to need to run away from Phil. The yard was quite big but Phil blocked Dan each time he tried to turn. 

“I’m going to catch you Danny boy,” Phil said in his sing song voice. His arms reached out to further block Dan near a tree. 

Dan laughed and tried to dodge Phil’s arms but he let himself be caught. He felt Phil’s arms wrap around his waist and spin him around. Phil spun Dan around a little too fast and they fell to the ground. Dan was still laughing and Phil knew he didn’t have to worry that he hurt him. Phil propped himself up on his right arm, and Dan rolled flat onto his back so he could look at Phil. 

“You ok?” asked Phil. 

Dan smiled up at him, “Yeah, I’m ok.” 

Dan’s brown eyes glistened and Phil loved seeing him smiling like that. He was truly glowing with happiness. 

“You’re quite a mess. You should learn how to paint,” Phil chuckled as he pushed some of Dan’s bangs out of his face. 

Dan’s dimples appeared and his smile was so wide his face hurt. “You Spork,” Dan said as he hooked his hand behind Phil’s neck. He pulled Phil’s head down towards his and locked their lips. Dan wanted to be a tease. He sucked on Phil’s lip and gained a moan from Phil. 

“You are always such a tease,” Phil said as he pulled his lips away from Dan’s. 

Dan pulled Phil back down and closed the gap between them. His lips desperate and forceful. Phil loved when Dan was like this. He loved when Dan needed to be in control but was silently begging Phil to take control of him. Phil felt Dan’s hips rolling up under his body and Dan pulled him down further to deepen their kiss. Phil’s tongue grazed Dan’s lips asking for permission to enter. Dan’s moan was enough to assure Phil he was welcome. Phil could tell from the way Dan was rocking his hips and how much he was moaning, he was turned on. 

Dan was gasping for air. His body was burning with need and Phil was making him crazy with something as simple as a kiss. He felt fevered and his lips worked over time to savor Phil’s lips and tongue. 

“Be-ed-bed! Na-now,” Dan panted out. 

***

Dan sat on the edge of the futon with his head in his hands. He was trying to focus his breathing and keep his emotions in check. Phil was sitting behind him on the futon rubbing his shoulders. 

“Sweetie, it’s ok,” Phil said in a quiet voice. 

Dan groaned loudly. He hated himself right now. Phil’s hands were gentle and reassuring. 

“You just hit a small road block,” Phil said as he rubbed his thumbs between Dan’s tensed up shoulders. “The panic that you aren’t good enough or deserving of love is why this is happening. I wasn’t lying to you when I said you are my forever. That is why that ring is on your finger. You are up and above exceptional with sex and sweetie, you deserve it,” Phil whispered in Dan’s ear. 

Dan could feel the color rising in his cheeks. “You deserve it more,” Dan said. He was feeling embarrassed. 

“We deserve it,” Phil corrected. His hands made hasty work of the massage. The knots were starting to come undone and so was Dan’s slightly bad mood. 

“We deserve each other,” Dan said after taking his head out of his hands. He looked over his shoulder and smiled at Phil. He could see the love in Phil’s eyes and it made his heart skip a beat. 

Phil kept massaging Dan’s shoulders. It was an excuse to keep touching him and putting his mind at ease. “We do. Now how about I massage away some tension elsewhere,” Phil said with a small smirk. He watched as Dan’s cheeks went bright red and he tried to hide the smile on his face. 

***

The painting was coming along. The outside of the cottage was complete and now the difficult part began. The movers arrived with the new furniture and cleared out the old unwanted furniture. Their living room was now a mess of new couches, mattress, box spring, and boxes with a new desk, computer chair, night stands, a dining table and chairs to assemble. The movers cleared out the old appliances and put in the new ones. Dan said goodbye to the broken futon that was once their bed for the first month. Phil was happy to see the new items arriving. The cottage was slowly but surely becoming a new place. 

Dan spent a good hour washing the walls and floors of the bedroom. He was slightly disgusted by how dirty the walls really were and put it on his to do list to wash all the walls in the cottage. The floors were a whole other level of disgusting for Dan; he found himself on his hands and knees washing floors for the rest of the day as Phil painted the bedroom. Phil made sure to mind Dan’s freshly cleaned floors. The whole cottage smelled of lemon and pine. Dan had run out of lemon multi-purpose cleaner and had to make a trip into town for more. Pine was the only option in town so he settled for it. 

The bathroom was another story, Dan worked diligently to make it shine. His goal was to make the old clawfoot bathtub look like new. All the fixtures in the bathroom had a beautiful antique look about them and Dan was not interested in destroying that aesthetic. He knew Phil would love the shower curtain he had picked out. The tiny green leaves reminded him of all the plants Phil hoarded. Once Dan had thoroughly cleaned the bathroom he started his slow decent into painting. It didn’t take him long to paint the bathroom. Two hours of painting then another hour of cleaning and the bathroom was complete. 

Phil’s own painting was taking some time. He knew Dan would want it to be perfectly even. This was going to be their bedroom and it needed to be perfect. Dan offered to help but Phil told him this was his project. He took his time and did a good job. The excitement of sleeping in their own bedroom was probably why they were working so hard. Phil hoped that Dan would feel more comfortable with their own bedroom instead of the living room. Even with all the privacy they had tucked away there was still that worry fans would find them. When Phil snuck downstairs to get a drink he found Dan asleep on the new couch in the living room. It was then he realised they had worked into the early hours of the morning. 

He let Dan sleep and went back to work on the bedroom. Those final touch ups would be the finishing touch to their bedroom. Once the paint dried then the new curtains could be hung and their bedroom could be assembled. Phil opened the window so the paint fumes would dissipate. Phil missed Dan most of the day. They had been working so hard in different rooms that they didn’t have supper together or say goodnight. They were so busy they didn’t really talk. It wasn’t like it didn’t happen from time to time. They both had things they liked to do alone without one another but this was different. This was their cottage and it was something to work towards together. Phil was exhausted and knew he should get some sleep. The sun was already peaking up in the sky and Dan had been sound asleep for who knows how long. Phil made his way downstairs and plopped down on the new couch. They had purchased a sectional much like their one in London so there was room for them to stretch out in opposite directions. Phil rested his head on Dan’s stomach and started to slowly drift off. Dan’s arm lightly came up to rest on Phil’s shoulder. Phil snuggled in and let sleep take hold of him. Hopefully the bedroom would be ready by tomorrow night. 

***

Dan walked around the bedroom inspecting the paint job. He smiled inwardly at how well Phil had done. Not once did he doubt Phil’s ability to paint this room. Even if it seemed like the type of thing Dan would never trust Phil to do, he agreed to let him pick the rooms he wanted to paint. Dan had woken up around noon to find Phil asleep on him. He carefully lifted Phil’s head off his stomach so he could get up. Phil did not stir at all when Dan got up from the couch. He put a blanket over Phil and decided he needed to investigate their work from the night before. With complete satisfaction bubbling in his system, Dan returned to the main floor and decided to make breakfast. He searched high and low trying to decide what Phil deserved most for breakfast. Cereal was not going to cut it but eggs and bacon would. 

Seeing Phil asleep on the couch, all snuggled up, and tired out from a long day’s work made Dan feel proud. It was the sense of pride that one felt when they accomplished something they never thought they could. When they bought this cottage they could have hired someone to do the renovation work. The only help they did get was to move out the old furniture. The rest of the cottage had somewhat good upkeep from the realtor, he wanted to finally close the sale and it wasn’t going to sell with plumbing or electrical problems. This was a whole new adventure for Dan. He had never painted a house or done some of the manual labor he was doing in the yard. He had never cleaned so vigorously or wanted something to become theirs so much. The excitement of every trip meant another room would be completed and become more like their flat. 

They weren’t just rebuilding this cottage but their own relationship. Dan felt at ease when he was at the cottage and it made him want to be better for Phil. Looking down for a moment at the ring on his finger, he felt butterflies. That ring made him feel like he was on top of the world. Phil had told him all about his quick trip into town and trying to sneak back into the flat without being detected. That was why he asked Dan to spend an hour in the bathroom. He loved the ring so much that he would get easily distracted spinning it around his finger or look at continuously throughout the day. Dan woke up every morning since and told himself Phil loved him. He deserved Phil and the love he gave him. He would kiss Phil every moment he got. 

There was a new playfulness to their relationship. It was almost like history was repeating itself and all the little flirtatious moments were like Deja Vu. Dan felt like he was falling in love again. It was all those little moments, the ones where Phil would try to scare him, poke him, touch him, or try to kiss him. It was as simple as a small peck on the cheek to now make the color rise in Dan’s cheeks. It was like being eighteen all over again. 

***

After the paint in the bedroom was dry, Dan and Phil moved their bed upstairs. The bedside tables and lamps soon joined the room along with the curtains. It slowly was starting to look like a room for Dan and Phil. The duvet they bought was a lovely dark gray with green polka dots. Finding the perfect balance of light and dark was a little bit of a struggle but they managed to settle on it. After much discussion they decided not to put a TV in their bedroom, Phil argued they needed quality time in the bedroom that was undisturbed. Dan agreed and it wasn’t hard to bring a laptop upstairs to watch a movie if need be. 

With the chances of sleeping in their own bedroom hanging high on the list of things they got to do, they set off in different directions in the yard. Phil was working on the planter boxes. It was an easy DIY kit with four reasonably sized box frames for Phil to build. It was pretty simple. Build the box, fill with dirt, plant seeds and hope they grow. Phil had purchased a variety of vegetables to grow. He wanted a good selection for all the stir fries that they ate. Phil felt like he could sort out the world when he was outside. It was very different from London living but it was something that was easy to get used too. Phil worked away as if the world around him didn’t exist. He hummed away every Muse song that came to mind and got deep into his thoughts. Thoughts that involved romantic gestures for Dan. 

Lately it felt like all Phil’s thoughts were filled with ways to make Dan smile. Ever since the sticky note scavenger hunt he felt like it as is goal to make Dan smile or blush as much as possible. He wanted to help Dan get past this freeze up he was having whenever they got sexual. Phil knew it was from the depression, he knew that Dan was attracted to him and that he wanted sex. Stress had a way of wreaking havoc on a person’s everyday life. Phil was happy with the progress that Dan had made though. Even in such a short amount of time he watched Dan get better. He witnessed a flashback of the first time he ever met Dan at the train station. The first morning they awoke in the cottage Dan gave him that same look in the kitchen. That was what escalated their sexual hunger for each other in the kitchen.

Phil looked across the yard to see Dan busily painting the patio chairs. Six perfect white chairs were beginning to take character in their yard. They had yet to dig their fire pit and get it properly built. Phil continued to pour dirt and slowly plant the seeds. He needed to trim the hedges before they left for London the next time. The day was spent working in the yard. Dan caught Phil looking at him off and on. Even if it was a quieter work day there was no absence of a flirtatious exchange between them. 

***

Phil awoke to the sunlight seeping in through the curtains. It was warm and inviting much like their new bed. This was their first morning in their new bedroom and they were exhausted after their hard day’s work in the yard. Dan was already starting to get a tan from all the sun he was getting during this trip. Phil hoped he could manage to get somewhat of a tan. He would never be as tan as Dan but hopefully he could gain some color. 

Dan had fallen asleep first. He showered then went to lay in bed. He had been nothing but a tease all day in the yard, grinding his hips into Phil’s back side and nipping at his ear. There was much talk about christening the bedroom that night but by the time Phil had showered Dan was in a deep sleep. It almost broke Phil’s heart that their plans were thwarted by Dan’s need to sleep. Phil watched Dan sleep for the longest time. He was so peaceful and Phil didn’t have the heart to try to wake him up. Phil read for a little bit before he turned in for the night. Dan had cuddled into him instantly and it was easy to sleep. 

Looking around the room Phil noticed the dust motes dancing in the sunlight. 

He looked down at Dan who was curled up and still deep in sleep. Phil’s little tease. 

Judging by Dan’s actions yesterday he was feeling very confident. Phil felt like throwing him down on the grass and teasing him back. It wasn’t like Dan wouldn’t like it. 

He nudged Dan lightly but he didn’t stir. 

Phil’s hand caressed Dan’s bare hip under the blanket and still he was undisturbed. His fingers continued to dance lightly above the waistband of Dan’s boxers. Dan didn’t seem to notice so Phil took that as an open invitation. His hand pushed past the elastic waistband and slowly inched towards Dan’s dick. Phil’s hand met with Dan’s semi morning wood and he took hold of Dan’s dick. He gripped lightly and started to move his hand at a steady pace. Dan’s breathing hitched a little and he stirred a bit. Phil kept his hand’s pace going and Dan’s facial expressions said he was enjoying it. Dan’s eyes were still shut but his body was responding to Phil’s movement. 

Dan’s hips moved with Phil’s hand and there were moans escaping his lips. Phil moved his hand faster and Dan was now awake. He was aware that he was actually being touched by Phil. It wasn’t a dream. 

“Hey bear,” Phil said smiling at him. He was trying not to blush because he had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Dan looked somewhat dazed but that didn’t stop Phil from jerking him off. 

A string of moans escaped Dan’s mouth. He liked waking up like this. “Ph-Phil,” Dan moaned out. It was like music to Phil’s ears. 

“Phi-Phil, please,” Dan begged as he pulled at Phil’s shirt. 

Phil responded by crashing his lips with Dan’s. He kissed him hungrily, all Dan’s moaning and begging was driving him crazy. Dan’s lips were just as starved for attention and he wanted to battle Phil. Dan jerked his hips slightly at the sensation of Phil’s hand on his dick. He had Phil’s shirt almost off. 

Dan pulled away from the kiss for a moment, “Get the lube.” 

“Dan, you sure?” Phil asked looking at Dan for a moment. He searched for any form of doubt that Dan could have. Phil’s hand slowed down and stopped. He wasn’t going to go any farther till Dan confirmed what he wanted. 

Dan pecked Phil’s lips in confirmation. “I’m ready,” he said. 

It was a confident answer. Phil was reminded of his first time with Dan. 

Dan had looked nervous. Phil was looking down at him that night when Dan had finally said he thought he was ready. It made Phil feel special that he was the one to get Dan’s virginity. It was a night he would always remember. A night that would make their bond even stronger in the future. Today felt much like that day seven years ago. Dan was looking up at Phil with the same look. The look of yearning and wanting. It was the look of love and trust. 

For the first time in almost a month Phil was feeling overwhelmed. There was Dan looking up at him and begging him to finally take his reward and he was overthinking. This was really like they were doing this all over again. 

“Phil, I need this…I need you,” Dan said in desperation. His hips bucked a little jarring Phil from his thoughts. 

Phil’s hand released Dan’s dick and went to pull down Dan’s boxers instead. There was no more playing. This was happening. He pulled the boxers down with some force. He was no longer interested in slow pace. He had waited for almost a month. He was going to get what he wanted. 

“Any preferences. Danny boy?” Phil asked. Even if he was sexually hungry he was going to respect Dan’s body. There was never a time in their relationship where Phil didn’t respect his body. There was never a need to finish Dan off then use him in an aggressive way to get himself off. Phil’s goal was to always show Dan as much worship and love as one can in the bedroom. 

Dan’s own hands were fumbling to pull Phil’s shirt and boxers off. He was too distracted by the task at hand to answer Phil. Dan felt his boxers down around his knees and he wiggled his way out of them. Phil’s clothes were quickly discarded and they both lay naked beside each other. Dan’s hand trailed up and down the length of Phil’s body. “You should, you know grab the lube. Lather up,” Dan said with a blush. He was suddenly feeling awkward and shy. Dan remembered that feeling all too well. He tried to push the memory from his mind as he pressed his lips against Phil’s. 

Phil’s hand absently reached out behind him in a blind search to find the lube in the bedside drawer. If there as one thing he was good at, it was finding things without his glasses. Like a magnet his hand finally felt out the bottle of lube in the drawer and he could already feel Dan’s hand trying to grab it away from him. Dan was kissing him with such urgency he suspected he wouldn’t survive if he didn’t get lubed up soon. The battle was soon lost and Phil forfeited the lube over to Dan who was already busy at work getting Phil’s dick lubed up. Dan’s hand glided up and down the length of Phil’s dick, coating it in sticky watermelon scented lube. Phil moaned in pleasure from the sensation. 

Phil broke away from the kiss momentarily. “Danny Bear, what do you want?”

“I-I want you inside me,” Dan said choppily between strokes of Phil’s dick. “Now,” he said desperately. His hand slowed down allowing Phil to regain some of his composure. 

“No prep?” Phil asked quizzically. 

Dan shook his head, “Seriously. Need. You.” 

Phil pushed Dan flat onto the bed. His knees instinctively came up and bent at the knees. Legs falling open and feet planted on the mattress. Phil saw the space left between Dan’s legs for him and he soon filled the void that was there. He hovered slightly over Dan, bracing himself on his forearms. Phil pushed some of Dan’s hair from his face before kissed his nose. Dan’s hips rolled up causing friction between them. It was the hint Phil needed to keep going. With his dick now in hand, Phil guided himself towards Dan’s entrance. “Hips up a little, baby,” Phil whispered as he pressed his dick against Dan’s entrance. Dan complied and a small whimper escaped his lips when Phil pushed into him a bit. Phil’s lips captured Dan’s in a slow passionate way as he pushed in more. He knew Dan would be feeling a little bit of pain but there was the odd time that was what he wanted. Phil stopped to give Dan a moment to get used to the stretch. Even with his eyes clasp closed and body complete still, Phil could read when Dan seemed to be ready. He pushed in till he was completely inside Dan. 

“Oh bear, you feel so good,” Phil moaned as he let Dan’s body engulf him. Dan’s breathing was a bit of a mess and when Phil opened his eyes he saw that Dan’s were still clasp shut. “Dan?” Phil asked in a worried tone. 

Dan’s eyes opened to look at Phil for a moment. There was too much concern in his eyes. “Keep going,” Dan said. 

Phil began to move in and out of Dan at a slow pace. He noticed the tension lifting from Dan’s body and his hips were slowly starting to match the pace of Phil’s. Dan’s hands found Phil’s back and he was already starting to dig his nails into the pale flawless skin. “Faster,” Dan choked out as Phil pushed into him deeper hitting his prostate. 

“Like this?” Phil questioned as he slammed into Dan faster and hit his sweet spot again. Completely choked for words from the overload of pleasure, Dan dug his nails into Phil’s back and dragged them up and down in various directions. He didn’t care about symmetry right now it was all about marring that flawless flesh. All about painting that picture of pleasure he was feeling. That was the fair trade of their sex life. Phil got scratches and Dan got the aching after. Dan’s moans and curses filled the room as Phil set a back breaking pace slamming into Dan’s body. He loved to reduce Dan to this. Phil’s hand took hold of Dan’s dick and started to stroke at the same pace he had set. Dan’s hand dropped from Phil’s back and were seeking out anything to grab onto. His hands soon found the sheets and he was wrenching them in his hands as Phil kept up the fast pace.  
The pleasure overload was almost too much for Dan to handle. It had been so long that he was reduced to a moaning mess. That familiar burning sensation in the pit of his stomach started and he knew he wouldn’t hold out much longer. “I-I’m gon-gonna,” Dan couldn’t even finish his thought. 

“Cum for me baby bear,” Phil cooed and he gripped Dan’s dick harder and moved faster. 

Dan’s hips jerked and he felt himself explode all over Phil’s hand and stomach. He could feel his head getting lighter from all the pleasure. Phil continued to bury himself as deep as he could into Dan till he himself found his release. He soon collapsed beside Dan and was just as out of breath as he was.

Phil propped himself up so he could look at Dan a moment. There was sweat gleaning off his brow and he was panting. He looked gorgeous. “I love you,” Phil said as he kissed Dan’s forehead. 

Dan could only smile at him. His eyes closed slowly and his smile was so big it could break his face. “I love you too, Phil.” 

They lay in bed for most of the morning. There was no reason to get up and do anything today. It was a victory and a celebration for their relationship. Dan didn’t freeze up and get sidetracked by his thoughts. For Phil that meant a lot more than working in his garden. They lay in contentment with each other till it was time to eat lunch. 

***

Dan ached a lot the next day. He knew what he was getting into and the decisions he made reflected that. Phil of course babied him all day and took pity on him. It made him feel loved and appreciated. It wasn’t a bad thing, Phil liked to baby Dan and make him feel like he was the world to him. 

There was a small spring in Phil’s step the next day when he was working in the garden. Even though he had left Dan sat on the couch in the living room watching Netflix, he was happy. He was over the moon in love and happy. Dan was being very affection whenever he could get a moment alone with Phil. The cuddles, kisses, hugs, and general looks of love he was receiving from Dan were like a drug. 

Dan’s heart would race every time he saw Phil. He had flashbacks of his tingling toes and shaking legs. He was still running off the high of their amazing sex the day before. It was a connection Dan had truly missed. Their love for each other had always been strong but this was their victory. Phil had done so much to prove his love and devotion for Dan, it was time to think of something romantic to do for Phil. 

Dan spent his day on the couch and pondering all the romantic things he could do for Phil. He compiled a steady list on his phone and hoped one of them would make the perfect date night. He knew Phil would love anything he did for him. It had to be special and meaningful. It gave Dan a lot to think about on his recovery day. The little butterflies kept fluttering in his stomach as he thought of Phil’s smile. Falling more in love with Phil was one of the best feelings in the world. 

***

After an amazing supper Dan had spent slaving away on most of the day, Phil asked Dan to join him in the yard. It was already quite late but Dan and Phil got their hoodies on and went into the yard. Taking a seat in the white patio chairs, Phil took a hold of Dan’s hand. It was a beautiful, clear night, and the cool evening air filled their yard. 

“It’s so beautiful,” Dan said as he looked up at the sky filled with stars. 

Phil’s thumb rubbed across Dan’s knuckles as he watched him. He looked like a small child with the look of wonderment on his face. It was a look of true happiness. Appreciation for the simplicity of nature. Phil watched him lovingly, he wanted to remember this moment forever. 

“You’re beautiful,” Phil said staring at Dan. He watched the blush rise in Dan’s cheeks and he continued to stare up at the sky. 

He would love this boy forever and remember this moment just as long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! 
> 
> I am sorry this chapter was so late! Life happened and work was complete chaos. I've also been thinking/story boarding a new Phan story. Its an idea that was floating around in my head for awhile. 
> 
> I made sure to make it extra long to make up for almost two weeks without a post! I wanted you guys to have it before the weekend! 
> 
> I hope you enjoy. This was a hard one for me. Lots of handstands to see if the ideas would unblock themselves!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” – Dr. Seuss

The morning sun was high in the sky and the birds sang their melodious songs. Bumble bees searched high and low through Phil’s garden to find pollen. There was a nice breeze blowing through the yard, tussling the freshly trimmed Virginia Creeper and hedges. There was peace in the world. The kind of peace one needs in a struggle against the darkest demons in the world. 

The boys were still asleep and the world moved around them like they had never been there. It was only the physical changes that were evident but the peace and solitude remained. That hint of magic was still there. The fire pit was dug out and filled with stones, the stone path was mended and looked more complete, and Phil’s planter boxes stood out as their first project of sustaining life. There was so much excitement to grow their own vegetables and hopefully getting to eat them. There was talk around the cottage about taking the summer off from the radio station which brought lots of rejoice to its inhabitants. A true vacation which they had both earned. 

There were smiles and kisses. A rekindling of love that blossomed like the plants outside. Dan was continuously light headed and Phil’s steps were light and springy. It was their time to focus on each other and they savored every moment. Dan’s dimpled smile would light up the room whenever he looked over to Phil with his heart eyes and blush. It was the look of pure loving admiration. It made Phil’s heart beat faster than humanly possible that he lost all sense of words. 

To be lost in such a profound way was more magical then normal love. Being lovingly lost in each other was the key to everything they needed or wanted. 

***

Phil watched Dan set up the office. They wouldn’t have a computer but the desk was set up nicely to look out the window as they worked. Dan had scoped this room out during the walk through and thought it would make the perfect office. There was already a built in bookshelf in the wall which could hold all their DVD’s, books, and games easily. The sight from the window was a huge tree that was home to the boisterous birds. 

“You going to help?” Dan asked somewhat annoyed. 

Phil had painted the office with Dan the day before. Dan was the one who wanted it to resemble their office at home. Phil had helped build the desk and move it into place but there wasn’t much else to do. Building a chair didn’t take much and Phil was distracted. 

Distracted by the sight of Dan in sweat pants - sweat pants that kept falling down and exposing his boxers. Phil couldn’t stop staring. 

“I’m good. I’ll help you strip out of those clothes when we go shower,” Phil said slyly. The sound of disgust escaped Dan’s lips when he heard Phil’s answer. It made Phil feel like he had accomplished his goal. 

Dan continued to work away at the computer chair till it was fully assembled. It soon joined the desk. The room would be more complete when they brought some things from home to decorate. That was a matter for when they returned to London. 

“You can join me in the shower if you like,” Dan said looking over his shoulder. Phil was smirking at him. He knew all too well Dan would give into him. It didn’t seem to matter what time of day it was with enough persistence Phil was in Dan’s pants and vice versa. It was beginning to become a pivotal part of their day. They would work and throughout the day end up back in their bedroom. Dan had chastised Phil when he had tried to pull Dan’s pants off on the couch. He wanted to keep the couch a sex free zone. That didn’t apply in London though. That seemed to be the only rule of the cottage and that was to make their bedroom their sacred get away. 

“I’d rather worship you in the bedroom first,” Phil said grabbing Dan’s hips and pulling him into his lap. There was no harm in starting in the office. 

***

Phil was pulled away from his dreams because of Dan’s lips peppering kisses onto his. 

“Wake up sleepy head,” cooed Dan. Phil had fallen asleep on the couch after a long day working in the yard. 

Phil’s hand tried to shoo Dan away. He was too tired from working to deal with him. 

“I made supper, sweetheart,” Dan said as he kept pecking Phil’s lips. 

A groan escaped Phil’s mouth. Even if he was exhausted there was no saying no to Dan’s cooking. Phil shifted on the couch so he could stretch and he finally opened his eyes. Dan was grinning down at him. He looked like the sun from the Telebubbies. “I made you a Ribena,” Dan said cheerily. 

“Get out the wine,” Phil said with confidence. 

A laugh filled the room as Dan pushed away from the couch to return to the kitchen, “We don’t have any. Plus we all know how that would end.”

“How about dessert?” Phil countered. He was slowly dragging himself up from the couch. 

Dan felt his cheeks brighten up. Damn Phil. “No. Just Cajun chicken and veggies,” he felt embarrassed as he said that.

“Danny, I’m sucking your dick after supper,” Phil said as he entered the kitchen. 

Supper was a tense affair between enjoying the food and Phil’s hand rubbing the inside of Dan’s thigh. 

***

“KILL IT! KI-KILL IT!!” Dan shrieked from the kitchen.

Phil dropped the book he was reading and hurried into the kitchen. Dan was ducking to avoid the flying creature.

He looked around the kitchen to see what kind of flying, winged creature was causing Dan so much distress. 

“PHIILLL! KILL IT!!” Dan screamed as the flying beast returned to hangout near the kitchen light. 

Phil tried not to laugh. This was his moment to be Dan’s hero. His knight in shining armor. The moth flew around the light and Dan continued to slap at Phil’s arm and yell. “I’ve got this bear. Go into the living room,” Phil said in his manliest voice. Dan quickly exited the kitchen and took refuge in the living room. It was a simple death by rolled up magazine but Phil knew it would please Dan. 

Like a cat Phil took the dead moth in a piece of kitchen roll to prove to Dan that he had killed the deadly beast. Dan approved the offering of the dead moth then asked Phil nicely to throw it away. Such a simple gesture that ended up with Dan snuggled into him on the couch for most of the night. That wasn’t Phil’s only reward though, Dan broke the no sex on the couch rule. 

Phil prayed the odd moth would get in from time to time. He didn’t mind being Dan’s hero. 

***

“That bedroom we are using for storage should be converted into a guest room,” Dan said over breakfast the next day. 

It was the only room they hadn’t completed yet. Mostly because they were in debate what to do with it. It became very convenient to store all the remaining paint cans and the odd box of stuff they hadn’t unpacked. It had been painted along with the office. Phil was now sick of painting. Slaving away for the past two weeks was enough and now it was really all about finishing the living room, office, and the spare room. 

“Do you really think we’ll have guests out here?” Phil questioned as he finished his cereal.

The look Dan was giving Phil could kill, “Yes...I know Adrian will come out here to visit.” 

“I was thinking we do what we did in London. Put a futon in the office and leave that room till we find a purpose for it,” Phil countered. 

Dan looked like he was thinking it over. He shook his head in a slight agreeance. “I don’t mind that idea but I also want our office to be a work space.” 

“It’s great. We can read in there while the other works. It’s a nice spacious room a futon won’t take up much space. It is bigger than the office in London,” Phil said with a small reassuring smile. 

Dan looked like he had been won over for now. 

“If we leave it be then we can convert it when the time comes,” Phil was cut off by Dan instantly. 

“Let’s not get into that topic please,” Dan said in a harsh tone. 

Phil left the discussion at that. Dan was soon washing dishes and the previous discussion was no longer important. Phil dried the dishes, when he got a moment he kissed Dan’s cheek.

“I’m so-.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Dan interrupted Phil. His wet hand touched Phil’s cheek and he looked at him lovingly. Dan leaned forward and captured Phil’s lips in a passionate kiss. If Dan said not to worry then there was no reason to worry. 

Phil soon got back to work drying dishes. He loved how Dan kept looking at him. Those looks continued all day. There was something so magical about that look. It made Phil feel bubbly inside. He was unaware how bubbly Dan was feeling too. 

“I love you Danny Boy,” Phil said looking over at Dan again. Hoping to catch him looking at him. 

He had caught Dan looking at him and the color rose in Dan’s cheeks. He looked away quickly and there was a small smile playing on his face. “I love you too,” he said quietly.  
Phil remembered the first time they ever said I love you. He remembered Dan’s voice hitting a high pitch when he had said it. He looked at Phil in concern as if he had ruined the moment. He couldn’t ruin that moment though. Dan sat there crossed legged in his bedroom right after they had filmed AmazingDan. Dan’s parents had gone to London for two days and it was easy to banish Adrian to his room. Phil had travelled out to see Dan right away. In exchange for money, Adrian didn’t see or hear anything. Dan had sat fidgeting and looking at Phil off and on. His body language was alarming and Phil went to sit crossed legged in front of Dan. When Dan finally had the nerve to speak his voice cracked when he said “I love you” the first time. Phil had waited what felt like forever to hear those words. He had told Dan the last time they saw each other that he loved him and that if he wasn’t ready to say it back he didn’t have too. Dan had wanted to say it back but he was too nervous. He had fumed about it the whole train ride home and every night till they were together again. 

It was a memory Phil would never forget. 

Dan knew Phil had caught him looking at him. His heart eyes syndrome was back and in full swing. He felt like he couldn’t get enough of Phil. He craved Phil’s touch and the sunshine he brought into the world. Lately there was so much to appreciate about Phil and their relationship. It was almost impossible for Dan to keep himself under control. He needed to feed his addiction and the only way was with Phil. 

***

Phil was slightly irritated when he woke up the next morning. Dan was in a persistent mood and he was tired. He didn’t sleep well, he wanted to blame Dan for tossing and turning all night but that wasn’t fair. It wasn’t Dan’s fault he was being restless as he slept. Obviously that restlessness didn’t affect his sleep. Dan was already trying to initiate sex that morning. It wasn’t that he didn’t want it. Dan all hot and bothered was something he loved most about waking up in the cottage. It was great because they could be as loud as they wanted without worrying if the neighbors heard them. Not that Phil was the loud one anyways. 

Dan was grabbing at Phil’s boxers in desperation. His lips kissing at Phil’s neck. 

“I’m trying to sleep,” Phil taunted.

Dan groaned in frustration to the comment, “Common Phil…I’m dying.” 

“I’m dying of sleep deprivation since someone was tossing all night,” Phil’s tone was a little acidic but he didn’t intend to come off that way. 

Dan’s actions slowed and he settled down. He instinctively snuggled into Phil. That tone was a subtle warning to stop. Phil didn’t get mad very often but when there was attitude in his voice it was a hint. With the few screaming matches they had through their seven year relationship/friendship, Dan knew when to stop pushing Phil’s buttons. Phil was used to Dan having bratty moments and acting like a child having a tantrum when he got mad; but Phil was different when he got mad sometimes he would just let it all out and he didn’t care how it came off. It was a normal reaction for someone who was always a ray of sunshine. They had both said things during fights that hurt the others feelings but as soon as it was said there was regret. The remorse and instant realization that the other was hurt kicked in and damage control would start. There was only three major fights that came to mind that had tested their relationship. The fight of Christmas 2010, the fight that left Dan in tears, and the fight that made Phil so frustrated he slammed his bedroom door and screamed all the profanities he knew. 

Those were moments that had truly tested their love for each other. It was the pain behind Dan’s tear filled eyes and the loud boom of Phil’s voice as he cursed his heart out with no shame. Phil dragging Dan into his lap and telling him how much he loved him and that this fight didn’t mean that he stopped loving him. Wiping away tears and apologizing for saying hurtful things. Dan knocking on the locked door and asking Phil to lower his voice, then asking if he really just said the C word. Phil screaming it even louder through the door and Dan saying he knows he pushed Phil’s buttons but can he please stop swearing. Sudden laughter erupting from Phil’s lungs when Dan started to yell swears back in competition with Phil till he opened the door. Those fights had escalated and were resolved as soon as possible. They always acknowledged what was said and apologized for the hurtful things. If there was something to laugh about like Phil’s swearing fit and some of the words he said they would laugh about it. 

“I was having a dream about moths,” Dan said innocently. 

Phil’s fingers ghosted across Dan’s bare shoulder as if to comfort him, “Well, that isn’t good.” 

Phil’s lips found Dan’s forehead and he plastered a kiss to Dan’s glabella. “Go back to sleep for a bit,” Phil said sweetly. He wouldn’t have to ask twice. Dan snuggled into him and drifted back off to sleep. 

Later that day the boys ventured into the small town to get groceries. It was one of their least eventful trips into town. They were in and out of the grocery within minutes. The mission being milk and cereal. Phil was back to midnight snacking and had eaten all Dan’s cereal during this trip. It was an overcast day and slightly unpredictable weather. The boys thought they would spend some times going for a drive. Exploring the countryside seemed like a great idea. They quickly dropped off the groceries and decided to head out for their adventure. 

Dan offered to drive. He knew Phil always felt iffy driving. They explored through the countryside seeing all the farms and adorable country cottages. There was a peacefulness about being out in the country away from the chaos of London. The drive was relaxing. Even if they were in silence for most of the drive it was comforting. It was being in the others presence. It was something Dan and Phil were very used too in their relationship. Even if they were in the same room it wasn’t indicative for one of them to keep a conversation going; they could comfortably do their own things while still being near each other. 

After a good half an hour the rain came pounding down on the car and Phil suggested they pull over till the rain let up or stopped. Even with a lack of cars the visibility was not the best. Dan agreed with that suggestion and pulled the car over onto a dirt road. Muse was playing in the car along with the rain drumming its own steady beat onto the car roof.  
“There is some really nice farms out here,” Phil remarked as they sat in the car waiting. His mind was drifting elsewhere though. Dan was sitting in the front seat leaning his head against the window. He wasn’t sad but in deep thought. Phil’s hand touched Dan’s thigh and gently squeezed to draw his attention away from the window. 

“Don’t be sad,” Phil said quietly. 

Dan looked away from the window and down at Phil’s hand. His own fingers crept their way towards Phil’s so they could link fingers. “I’m not sad. I am trying to keep my cool,” Dan said keeping his focus on their hands

“Why are you still horny?” Phil teased as Dan’s cheeks lit up bright red. 

Obviously Phil was on the right track. “Want me to take care of it?” Phil continued to tease.

Dan’s cheeks were burning and he wished Phil would leave the topic alone. He was still somewhat excited from this morning and he didn’t feel like being teased. 

“Back your seat up or you know come join me in mine,” Phil said quiet seriously. They were sitting there doing nothing, taking care of Dan’s horniness seemed like a good enough plan. 

Dan was conflicted. They never had adventurous sex outside of their flat or cottage. Sure things would start in the yard but would quickly move to the inside of the cottage. There was no adventurousness outside of their “homes” because they worried about their privacy. Phil released Dan’s hand and let his hand wander up and down Dan’s thigh. 

“Phil,” Dan said slightly distracted. 

Phil’s hand caressed Dan’s clothed dick causing more distracted. Dan’s breath hitched and he could already feel his hips reacting already. Those hips were the reason Phil keep teasing Dan. 

“Phil-we shouldn’t,” Dan panted out. 

That didn’t stop him though. He was going to get Dan hot and bothered. Dan was trying not to moan. Dan grabbed at Phil’s hand. 

“Stop, wait till we get home,” Dan said as he pulled Phil’s hand away from his pants. 

“Dan, we’re in the middle of nowhere. There is no reason to worry someone is going to see us,” Phil tried to reason with Dan. 

Dan looked confused. He was obviously trying to make the right decision, “I-I want to do this at home. I’m sorry.” 

Phil withdrew his hand. He realized he was pushing Dan’s buttons. “I’m sorry Danny. We can wait till we get home,” Phil said sympathetically. 

“I-ju-just would like to be in the comfort of home. It’s safe,” Dan said looking out the window again. 

The rain was still pouring down. Phil hoped this wasn’t going to affect Dan’s mood for the rest of the trip. 

“It’s not that I don’t want too. I am horny as hell but I would prefer to be in our bed not some rental car,” Dan said trying to defend his answer. 

Phil understood. He knew Dan was right. There was relaxed conversation till the rain finally eased up. They continued to explore till they arrived back home. The comfort and safety of a home. Dan was more at ease and soon Phil’s quest could be met. 

He managed to slam Dan into the wall during their fevered make out session and fight for dominance. Dan allowed Phil to have the control this time and it wasn’t long before Dan’s legs were wrapped around Phil’s waist. Phil’s lips trailed up and down Dan’s neck causing loud moans to erupt from his throat. Phil’s hands held him up and against the wall. Dan was a mess in Phil’s hands and they hadn’t even gotten to their bedroom. 

“Wanna do something we haven’t done in a while?” Phil asked between nipping at Dan’s jugular. 

Dan was out of breath as he tried to talk, “What were you thinking, Philly?” 

“I was thinking, you like when we do intimate massages. Maybe I could give you one,” Phil said as he nipping more at Dan’s neck, hoping to leave a few marks. 

Dan’s head was thrown back against the wall. Phil was right he did like when they participated in those massages. It was so relaxing yet always left Dan blissed out of his mind. 

“Bedroom,” Dan gasped out. His brain was on overdrive and there were hardly any words for him to speak. Phil was making him crazy. 

Phil complied with that demand and carefully carried Dan up the stairs. For the regularly clumsy Phil this was something he was completely skilled at. He had never in his seven year relationship dropped Dan. Thankfully the bedroom door had been left open and they were in quickly. Dan was soon on the bed with Phil peeling his clothes off him in desperation. Phil propped Dan’s hips up with a pillow and grabbed the lube that was on the bedside table. 

“Can I give you a full body massage or do you want to get down to business?” Phil asked as he sat down on the bed between Dan’s slightly spread legs. 

“Um, full body massage would be ok,” Dan said anxiously trying not to sound desperate. 

Phil leaned up and pecked Dan’s lips before he started. 

“You know the goal of this is not to get off but to feel good. If you want me to stop I’ll stop,” Phil said sweetly before pecking Dan’s lips one last time. 

Dan loved how Phil focused on him. He started by massaging Dan’s temple and forehead. Phil asking him off and on to take nice slow breaths in and out. His hands would massage along Dan’s ears and jaw line till he was completely relaxed. Phil loved how relaxed Dan looked already and he had only just started. They had a long way to go before getting down to Dan’s favorite part. Phil’s hands massaged down each arm, hand, and all Dan’s fingers. He watched Dan’s facial expressions and body language. Dan’s breathing was calm and his eyes were closed right now, it was only when they got to the more intimate part of the massage that eye contact was suggested. 

They had looked into intimate massages after one of Dan’s breakdowns. Dan was so tense both physically and emotionally it was effecting both their lives. Phil had done some research and found these massages. With a lot of discussion with Dan they decided they needed this and spent an evening paying attention to each other. It had brought a new meaning to their relationship. 

Phil massaged down Dan’s chest, every so often running his nails over the soft skin. It would cause Dan to react a bit from his relaxed state. Once Phil was down near Dan’s hips, he stopped so he could move to massage Dan’s thighs and calf muscles. He would take his time making sure every part of Dan’s body was tension free. 

For Dan these massages where somewhat of a Godsend. It helped him relax. One of the best parts of this massage routine being that there was no goal to get the other person off but to make them feel as good and relaxed as possible. Phil also loved receiving the massages though it felt like a rare occasion if they ever switched who topped. 

Phil finished up massaging Dan’s feet and toes. 

“Are you feeling relaxed and ready?” Phil asked calmly. 

Dan inhaled and exhaled. He hardly had words but he tried, “I’m good.” 

Phil started at Dan’s hips and slowly worked his way down till he reached Dan’s semi hard dick. His hand was light as he took hold of Dan’s dick. He heard Dan’s breathing change.

“Dan?” Phil questioned before he moved further. 

Dan’s brown eyes opened and looked directly to Phil’s blue orbs. He knew Phil was commanding him to look at him but also checking in. There had only been one time that Dan ever asked Phil to stop and it was during one of Dan’s depression periods. He had asked if maybe they could do the massage as a way to make him feel better and though it felt good he got very emotional. He had to ask Phil to stop and Phil held him as he cried. It wasn’t something Phil had done but he worried he had. They both knew it was something that could happen though. There was a whole section on the website about emotions coming up. Phil of course handled it as he always did and comforted Dan. It was great for them as well to trust one another with such a vulnerable scenario. 

With Dan’s eyes meeting his, Phil had the go ahead to finish the massage. His hand moved slowly but fluidly so he could massage up and down the shaft of Dan’s dick. The whole time they kept the eye contact. Phil watched as Dan’s breathing was becoming a bit more rapid and his mouth was agape. It was a sight of pure beauty watching Dan look so relaxed but so turned on. Phil’s other hand moved to grab the lube that he had put beside him. He stopped momentarily to open the lube and get some on his hands. Phil didn’t care how messy the lube was. One hand returned to Dan’s dick and continued to massage away. 

“Dan, is it ok if I proceed further?” Such questions should be annoying in this situation but Dan truly appreciated how they conducted themselves during this time. He remembered how it felt to be vulnerable and Phil was seeing him fully exposed both physically but emotionally at the same time. Phil had not yet experienced that but even Dan asked permission. 

Dan’s eyes said yes but he knew Phil was waiting for him to say it aloud, “I give you permission, Phil.”

Phil gave Dan a nod and his free hand traveled down to Dan’s entrance. As always he was gentle and watched Dan’s reactions as he pushed one of his lubed fingers inside of him. Dan gasped, it wasn’t pain or surprise but pleasure. He waited and continued to massage Dan’s dick before he added his second finger. Phil watched as Dan’s eyes started to shut as he relaxed even more and enjoyed what was being done. Phil added his second finger and searched out Dan’s prostate. He knew that was a slight cheat but it always made Dan’s lose all control and inhibition. He knew he found it when Dan’s eyes shot open and he was making direct eye contact again. All Phil had to do was keep this slow massaging rhythm up and eventually Dan would find release or he would ask for Phil to stop. 

Dan’s heart beat rapidly in his chest. He knew he was not going to last much longer. Phil was directly massaging his prostate and the massage he was receiving to his dick was putting him over the edge. There was something about the sensation of slowness that drove him even crazier. Dan’s breathing was starting to stagger and he felt like he was not as calm as he was twenty minutes ago. Phil watched him and he knew how to push Dan over the edge. 

“Ph-Phil, I am so close,” Dan said breaking the silence that had engulfed the room. 

Phil continued to massage intently and he could feel Dan’s body tense a bit. “Bear, breath in and out. Don’t tense up.” 

Dan complied and focused his breathing back to a steadier and calmer pattern. Phil’s hands pushed the pace a bit more and like a wave Dan would feel the heat of his orgasm rolling over his body. His eyed instantly clasp shut as he felt himself finding release all over Phil’s hand and his own stomach. Phil kept massaging Dan’s dick till he was for sure finished and the small spasm of his body had calmed.

“I love you so much Phil,” Dan said through small pants. Phil could see Dan was looking directly at him. His brown eyes completely shot and full of bliss. 

Phil withdrew his hands away from Dan’s body and sat back. He looked at the beautiful sight in front of him. There in front of him was his boyfriend, who was completely content, as happy as can be, and he loved him. Phil shifted from between Dan’s legs so he could lay up beside Dan for a moment. His lips kissed Dan’s forehead, cheeks, nose, and lastly his lips. Phil knew Dan was too blissed out to kiss him back feverously like their make out session in the stairway. 

“I love you too Dan,” Phil said as he kissed Dan again. 

He got up and cleaned up himself and Dan. It was then that Phil lay down and Dan cuddled into him. It wasn’t long before Dan was sound asleep. Phil watched him for the longest time before he himself finally closed his eyes and joined into the napping session. He knew Dan would be in a great mood when he woke up and they had supper. 

***

Dan stood in the gardening aisle of the hardware store. 

He had spent such a long time trying to think of something romantic to do for Phil. The answer was simple. The hardware store had a great selection of garden decorations. Dan knew Phil would love the stuff he was selecting. 

“I see you’re back,” Jon said with his typical social demeanor. 

Dan smiled over to him. He was trying to pick which bird bath Phil would like the best. In all honesty he would love anything Dan picked. “You had a bird bath that was stained glass last time I was here,” Dan said walking over the main counter. 

“I have one in the back. Shall I get it for you?” Jon asked politely. 

Dan said yes and continued to pick out some odds and ends for the gift. 

He knew Phil would love a gang of creepy little gnomes for their garden. Dan found them disgustingly cheerful but they’d make a perfect addition to their flourishing yard. He was also drawn to the happy little green frogs that were playing instruments on a log. 

Dan went through the list on his phone making sure he was still on the right track. The front counter was full of stuff and all he really needed was some terracotta pots. 

Jon soon returned with the bird bath. “Looks like your yard is coming together,” he commented as he started to ring in the items. 

“Phil’s been working really hard. I thought I would get him some décor as a present,” Dan said sweetly. He couldn’t help but smile. He couldn’t wait to get home. When he was leaving he had told Phil he was going into town to get them something for supper. Phil of course kept pestering for answers. 

“Sounds like a good present,” Jon said as he started to box some of the gnomes. 

Dan paid and started to make the three trips to pack the trunk of the rental car with his purchase. He was anxious to get back home. To his luck Phil was in the yard working. He pulled the car up and quickly exited. 

“Hey, where is the groceries?” Phil questioned when he saw Dan walking towards the front door. 

Dan smiled at him with the biggest smile. “There is a present in the trunk for you,” and with that Dan went inside. He knew Phil would have fun opening all the boxes. 

He was right Phil soon ran into the house to thank him and he was soon off to decorate the yard. Later he asked Dan to come see what he had done. Dan could see how bubbly Phil was and he allowed Phil to drag him around the yard to show off how it looked. 

That look of happiness was enough to help Dan sleep well for a few nights. 

***

Dan was out cold upstairs in bed. 

The night before had been a marathon of anime and sex. Phil had gotten up early but he told Dan to stay in bed and sleep. He figured Phil was going to work in the yard today. It was an overcast day again and there was chances for scattered showers all day. Phil wanted to get his yard work done before the rain started. It was so peaceful, even the little birds were off somewhere else singing. 

Dan awoke when he heard the plunking sounds of a piano key. 

Was Phil playing the piano? 

The plunking continued and Dan knew he had to see what Phil was up too. He got up and found a pair of Phil’s pj pants and a hoodie.

The antique piano that came with the cottage was even older than the one back in Dan’s room in London. It was a beautiful piano that had obviously been furniture more than an instrument. It was one of the selling points of the cottage for Dan. 

He ventured down to the living room only to find a complete strangers at the piano. 

“Hello,” Dan said looking at him skeptically.

The older man stopped what he was doing and looked over to Dan, “Hello. You must be Dan.” 

“I’m Benjamin. Phil called me about tuning and restoring the piano,” he said sweetly as he went back to work. 

Dan could feel his cheeks burning. “It’s nice to meet you and thank you,” Dan said as he quickly exited the cottage to find Phil. 

Phil was outside weeding the vegetables when Dan came outside. 

“Phil, you found someone to fix the piano?” questioned Dan. 

He looked up from the vegetables and to Dan, “I did. I thought you’d like to play the piano out here.” 

“You need to stop spoiling me,” Dan said as he sat down beside Phil. “Can I help?” Dan pointed at some of the weeds. 

Phil shook his head in agreement and returned to his weeding. 

“I am allowed to spoil you if I want too,” Phil teased. 

Dan threw a small weed at Phil, “Well stop, let me spoil you for once.” 

“You can’t stop me,” Phil said throwing a muddy weed at Dan. He earned a surprised shriek when it hit Dan on the cheek. 

Rubbing the dirt away from his face, he scowled, “Well thank you…for getting the piano repaired. I appreciate it.” 

Later that afternoon the piano was finally done. Phil got the bill sorted out and Dan almost couldn’t wait to play. As soon as the piano tuner was gone Dan spent the rest of his day playing the piano. 

I’m Feeling Good  
Pyramid Song  
Disenchanted  
Für Elise  
Toccata and Fugue

Phil could spend all day listening to Dan play away at the piano. It didn’t matter if it was classical, rock, or pop music, it was nice hearing music throughout the cottage or in the yard. Part of the reason to get the piano repaired was to encourage Dan to feed his creativity. It was something to keep his mind and hands busy. 

“Want to play a duet with me?” Dan asked Phil after supper. It was impossible to say no and Phil took a seat beside him. Dan was extremely patient showing Phil how to play. This was another reason to get the piano repaired, it was something fun for them to do together. 

***

It was almost bitter sweet leaving the cottage after two weeks. 

“I don’t want to go,” Dan said as he pulled the car out of the yard. 

Phil sat in the passenger seat and he couldn’t agree more, “I know. It was a great trip. Hopefully London won’t be so bad.”

“We should call up some friends when we get to London,” Dan suggested. He was trying to find something positive. 

“Game night with Pj and Chris,” Phil said with enthusiasm. 

Dan’s lips curled up into a smile, “Yah, sounds like a plan.” 

The drive was as it always was, full of music and silence. There was the odd conversation but it seemed to be a time for reflection. There was so much progress made to the cottage and so much love. Both boys felt content with everything they accomplished. 

Even their return home was happy. They started laundry and dinner as soon as they got home. Their evening was spent watching anime and being content with each other’s company. Dan felt his heart skipping beats when he looked at Phil, he couldn’t be more in love. Phil felt bubbly when he caught Dan looking at him, he felt truly happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Readers!!
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter! 
> 
> Happy Reading :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “A contented heart is a calm sea in the midst of all storms.”

Boxes littered the hallway of the flat in London. 

Most of the boxes were filled with nerdy décor. Phil had packed up most of their Mario stuff, Dan on the other hand was digging through the coffee mug cabinet and packing a box. 

“The Hello Kitty mug is going to the cottage,” Dan yelled from the kitchen. Phil soon responded with a request for a mug he wanted banished from the legendary mug cabinet. 

Four boxes were packed with stuff they were planning to take out to the cottage. 

“You want to take the piranha plant bouquet?” Phil questioned when he looked in the final box. 

Dan looked down at the bouquet in the box. He remembered when Phil had gave them to him for Valentine’s Day. “Of course. I want to put them in the office,” Dan said as he put a few more items in the box. 

“That was one of my better gifts,” Phil said as his hand reached out to get a sneaking squeeze of Dan’s butt.

Dan yelped in surprise by Phil’s gesture but he didn’t mind. 

“The promise ring was best,” Dan hadn’t stopped fawning over the ring. He did truly love it. 

Phil knew that the ring trumped all his other gifts and gestures. Dan was going to remember that day forever. He watched Dan twist the ring around his finger a few times. “I’m happy you love it so much,” Phil said contently. He taped up the boxes and offered to make quesadillas for Dan. 

Dan was quick to follow Phil to the kitchen, “Did you ever notice our whole lives revolve around laziness and eating?” 

“We fixed a whole cottage. I believe that counts as working hard,” Phil remarked. 

***

“Video games or board games?” Dan questioned as he stood in front of the game cabinet. Phil was editing an episode of The Sims for the gaming channel. It had been a steady process editing the video between trips out to the cottage.

Phil was still focused on his editing but managed to give Dan an answer, “Board games.” 

With that answer Dan grabbed a few games off the shelf and headed back to the lounge. He was getting the lounge ready to hang out with PJ and Chris. Dan had filled a few bowls with various crisps and other sugary junk food. Dan and Phil had been looking forward to seeing their friends all day. It felt like they hadn’t seen them in forever.  
“Phiill, wrap up your editing. They’ll be here soon,” Dan yelled up the stairway. 

Phil sighed and looked at the computer screen. Why was this video so hard to edit? He had spent most of his afternoon working away at the video but it wasn’t going the way he thought. He didn’t like anything about how it was coming together. There was too much to edit out with all the flirting and banter. He wished they could be themselves on camera, unfortunately fans would take it too far. Dan couldn’t handle that kind of pressure. Phil couldn’t put Dan in that situation.  
Phil trudged down the stairs to join Dan in the lounge. 

He was surprised Dan was already done setting up but that gave him a moment to wrap his arms around Dan’s waist. Phil pulled Dan in till his back was against his chest, his chin rested on Dan’s shoulder. 

“Hey, what’s up?” Dan said with concern in his voice. It wasn’t like Phil didn’t do this regularly but he was acting weird. Naturally Dan’s arms wrapped around Phil’s. 

“Just frustrated with editing, it isn’t coming together the way other videos have in the past,” Phil said quietly. He wanted to enjoy holding Dan for the few moments he would have before PJ and Chris arrived. They didn’t mind them being a couple around them but in respect Phil acted mature. When they watched movies Phil would let Dan cuddle with him but they kept their kissing and physical actions to themselves. Dan didn’t mind that agreement. They were so used to putting on their act for public they sometimes forgot their friends knew about them. 

“Do you want me to take a look at it?” Dan offered sincerely. 

Phil at that moment didn’t care. He breathed in the smell of Dan’s cologne and shampoo. “You smell good,” Phil said. 

“Cool it,” teased Dan as he tried to pull away. Phil’s arms released their grip instantly. 

Dan turned around and looked at him with a loving smile, “I’ll look at the editing later.” 

Phil already appreciated Dan’s willingness to help him with this video. 

The doorbell rang alerting them PJ and Chris arrived. 

The lounge was full of laughter and conservation. It was exactly what the boys needed.

Chris was managing to outdo everyone at Cards Against Humanity. 

PJ was filling them in on all the new gossip. There wasn’t a lot but he had info about some of the other YouTubers. He was also excited to talk about some of his filming ideas.

The conversation moved on to the cottage and how it was coming along. Phil gloated about his accomplishments of painting without making a mess and his garden. 

“You guys seem a lot better,” PJ remarked later that night after a few drinks. 

Phil looked over to Dan who was fidgeting. This obviously was not a topic he wanted to discuss. 

“We had a lot of time to ourselves and that really helped us,” Phil said hoping that answer would appease PJ. On a few occasions he had complained about the lack of sex and general worry he had with Dan’s depressions to PJ; Dan would be unhappy if he found out Phil had talked about his depression so openly with friends. 

“I bet it was really hard getting any work done,” PJ taunted, his shit eating grin was lighting up the room. 

Chris elbowed him hard in the side, “Stop while you’re ahead.” 

Dan’s cheeks were burning with embarrassment and Phil was speechless. 

PJ’s smile was even bigger and he had obviously reached his accomplishment of making everyone in the room stare at him with annoyance. When he tried to open his mouth again Chris jabbed him hard in the side. 

They played a few more games before Chris finally dragged the drunken PJ out to a cab. His drunken taunting eventually made Dan silent. Chris apologized for the drunken behavior but he knew it would blow over in the morning. 

In the morning PJ directly texted Dan to apologize. 

“Is PJ really that worried?” Dan asked Phil. They were spending a day on the couch with their laptops. 

Phil looked away from the computer screen for a moment to give Dan his attention, “He’s worried he offended you. He doesn’t understand its fine and we were all drinking.” 

“I don’t know,” Dan said. He ended up texting PJ back and saying it was fine. Deep down it bothered him but Phil thought it was non-threatening so it wasn’t worth talking about it further with PJ. Either way seeing their friends ended up being a nice change from sitting at home doing nothing. 

Later in the day Dan ventured upstairs to look at the editing Phil was struggling with. He saw what Phil wasn’t seeing and quickly cleaned up the video and posted it. It gave him something else to think about. He needed to push the discomfort he had from last night out of his mind because their friends would never betray them or hurt them for being themselves. 

Insecurity was one of Dan’s downfalls.

He realized that he was fidgeting with the ring on his finger. That beautiful tungsten ring. Without thinking Dan ran down to his room and found the letter. Sitting down on his bed, he read through the letter and then ventured back into the living room where Phil was still playing on his laptop. 

“It bothered me,” he said. His voice sounded meek in comparison to his typical booming voice. 

Phil’s attention was on Dan instantly and he put his laptop aside. In usual Phil fashion he opened his arms to Dan in a comforting gesture. Dan gravitated right into Phil’s arms and let those arms wrap around him protectively. Dan loved when Phil would let him sit in his lap and be cuddled.

“I know and I am sorry I didn’t say something,” Phil said giving Dan a little squeeze. 

The comfort Dan felt in Phil’s arms melted away the insecurity that was bugging him. “It’s fine. We’re fine,” Dan said reassuringly. That was the end of the subject. 

***

“Yeah, I am not sure about this,” Dan said looking towards Phil. 

They had walled themselves up in the bedroom to worship each other. Phil was the one combing through a bunch of google searches looking up something PJ had suggested for them. Dan was not convinced that he wanted to explore kinks or try dom and sub stuff. Somehow PJ had talked Phil into the idea and then he started researching. 

Phil looked over at Dan who lay on the bed in his boxers, waiting to see what plans they were making. “I think I found one you might be interested in,” Phil said in a convincing voice. 

Unfortunately Dan wasn’t buying it. The concern written all over his face said a lot about this change to their usual trustful routine. 

“Dan, you’ll be able to stop at any time if you are not into it. I promise all you need to say is the safe word and it stops,” Phil said laying down on the bed so he could look at Dan directly. Tossing his phone aside, his hand then caressed Dan’s cheek to bring ease. Phil felt bad for making Dan feel tense but he was also hoping they could try something different. 

Dan studied Phil as if this was the first time they were ever going to have sex. 

“You need to pick a safe word,” Phil said gently. His encouragement was not swaying Dan. 

Dan’s mind was racing. A word, any word. A word for stop that wasn’t stop. “Starlight,” Dan said hesitantly.

Phil was quick to explain what he wanted Dan to do. There was no more reluctance left and Dan complied with his orders. He lay on his stomach across Phil’s knees. 

“So I ask questions. If I like the answer you don’t get spanked. If I am not satisfied with your answer well…you know what that means. The safe word is there if you want to stop,” Phil said confidently. 

Dan felt anxious but he said a simple ok and they were starting. 

Phil seemed excited, “Tell me how you felt when we met.” 

He was starting simple. He didn’t want to overwhelm Dan right at the start. 

Dan was hesitant again, “I felt special, I couldn’t wait to meet you after all the Skype sessions and tweets.” 

“Why did you feel special? Please explain,” Phil pushed. 

Dan shifted a bit to get comfortable since Phil’s legs were pushing into his ribs and stomach. “I felt special because you brought a light to my life. You made me feel amazing every day when I was struggling to figure my life out.” 

“Tell me why you were so nervous the first time we had sex,” Phil asked. He wanted to spank Dan if he could. 

“Why do you think,” Dan blurted in a sarcastic tone. 

Dan winced when he felt Phil’s hand give him a hard slap on the butt. 

“Ow, that fucking hurt,” Dan said earning himself another spank. 

Phil was enjoying this too much. “Watch your mouth,” he threatened. 

“Or what?” Dan tested again getting spanked. 

Dan was not happy. This wasn’t fun for him but he could feel how excited it made Phil. He could try this for a bit longer to make Phil happy.

“Answer the question,” offered Phil. 

Dan shifted again to get comfortable. “I wasn’t ready. I was scared and being a virgin when you weren’t was scary ok?” 

Phil could feel Dan’s chest rising and falling against his thighs. Dan was stressed about this. 

“Hey, do you want to stop?” Phil asked kindly. He let his hand rub up and down Dan’s bare back. 

Dan’s head was buried in his arms, “Its fine. Keep going.” 

“Ok, tell me about the time you came home early at Christmas and we had that fight,” Phil asked nervously. This was a question he always wanted an answer for but never could get one. Maybe Dan would answer it now. 

Dan’s brain went blank. Did Phil really just ask that question? His heart was trying to crawl up through his throat and choke him. His breathing was restricted like he was drowning. That familiar burning itch bothered his eyes. 

“Starlight,” Dan said almost inaudible. 

Phil didn’t exactly hear him but he knew he said something, “What?”

“Starlight. STARLIGHT! STARLIGHT!” Dan yelled at Phil as he buried him face further into his arms and let the salty tears cascade down his cheeks. 

The room was silent except for Dan’s muffled sobs. This had not gone the way Phil thought it would.

“Bear? It’s over. Sit up,” Phil said calmly as he tried to get Dan to move. 

Dan pushed himself up so he was sitting on his knees. He wanted to hide his face from Phil. He was ashamed of himself for ruining this for Phil. 

It was Phil who pulled Dan into his lap. Dan let him and he was soon straddling Phil. Embracing each other tightly, Phil kept telling Dan how sorry he was and how this was a bad idea. Dan listened and cried till he no longer could anymore. 

“This was a bad idea and I promise we will never do it again,” Phil said as he tightened his embrace around Dan who was now calm.

Dan was cuddled into Phil’s chest like a small child clinging to a parents. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Phil asked lightly know he shouldn’t push anymore. 

He didn’t budge. He was drifting off and he didn’t feel like talking, “I promise one day we will but I can’t.” 

Phil held Dan close and didn’t question him any further. When Dan’s breathing had slowed down Phil noticed he had drifted off. They spent a reasonable amount of time cuddling in bed till Dan finally awoke. 

“I’m sorry,” Dan said snuggling closer into Phil’s body. 

Phil let Dan morph into him, “No, you are not allowed to say that because I know how you felt. I pushed and I won’t ever do that to you again.” 

“I promise we’ll talk about that fight soon,” Dan said nervously. It wasn’t the first time they were talking about that fight and the reason behind it. It was a sensitive subject and Dan knew Phil should be allowed that piece of closure. 

Phil kissed Dan’s forehead, “When that day comes, I’ll be here to listen.” 

“I love you and to be honest this kinks thing is not for me,” Dan said with confidence. He wasn’t going to lie about it. It really wasn’t something he felt comfortable doing even if it was for Phil. 

“I respect that, and I love you too,” Phil said before drifting back off to sleep. 

***

Phil was studying prices on cars. It was a topic he had not brought up to Dan lately but with some simple calculations he concluded it was cheaper to purchase a car. Renting for a week here and there was getting costly. The car Phil was looking at would be great for when they started a family, but was spacious enough for all their stuff and groceries. They made huge orders for groceries from Tesco on a regular basis before heading out to the cottage. The only trips they made into town were to the hardware store. Most of the time they stayed at the cottage enjoying their time away. 

The car was black with dark interior. A feature he knew Dan would love. 

He had called to inquire the price of the car and how long the payment plans were. When he had all his information and research compiled he would make the sales pitch to Dan. He had no doubts Dan would agree this was a good idea. In passing conversation as they painted the cottage, purchasing a car had come up. When Phil was done with his packet of information he planned to deliver it to Dan along with a cup of hot chocolate. 

***

Dan was awake before 10 AM, which was early for him. 

He made himself a cup of coffee and went to sit in the lounge, it was the perfect time to watch some of his favorite anime. Usually Phil was the first one awake but Dan was enjoying his alone time. He played around with his phone as well, trying to decide whether or not to post a photo on Instagram. 

His stomach was begging him to get up and get food but he was too comfortable. The sofa crease had been vacant during Dan’s time away and it beckoned for him to return. Phil threatened Dan about ruining the couch out at the cottage. Curled up comfortably in his sofa crease, Dan sipped at his coffee. The peace was wonderful even with the sirens blaring through the city and London was wide awake. The silence was soon ruined by the sound of Dan’s ringtone. 

The word “Mom” flashed across the screen and he knew there was no way of avoiding the call. There was one thing Howell’s were good at and that was getting each other’s attention. Plus he didn’t want her to keep calling him till he answered. 

Even if he was not in a talking mood he could always make time for his mom. “Hey mom,” Dan said cheerfully.

“Hey Daniel, how are you?” his mom asked equally as happy. 

She used his full name, which meant something. She expected something. 

“I’m ok and you?” Dan asked politely. 

His mother rattled off how everyone was doing and how she was going on vacation with his grandparents. She talked about the dog and how Adrian was enjoying his summer so far. The conversation soon flipped to talk about the cottage and Phil. She asked how Dan was doing and if he was feeling himself. He hated when she asked about his depression. It was something she had avoided his whole teenage life when he was truly struggling. Now she felt obligated because Phil made his parents acknowledge Dan had depression and was suffering. Phil argued with Dan’s parents one night over the ignorance they had and how it had effected Dan negatively. It was a topic he wished she could return being blind to. 

“Dan? I was wondering if you could do me a favor,” his mom asked in her most motherly voice. 

He knew she was going to ask him to do something. She only called when it was something important. 

“I was hoping when your father and I go on vacation with your grandparents, that you could come stay with Adrian,” she said. 

Babysit? Was she really asking him to babysit his seventeen year old brother? 

Dan moved more into his sofa crease, almost hoping it would hide him from this conversation. The last thing he wanted to do was go back to his childhood home. Even in a better mind set, his childhood home had negativity. 

“I can do that,” Dan said instantly regretting his agreeance. Damn his need for approval. 

Dan’s mom was ecstatic, “I only ask because Adrian irresponsibly threw a party last time.” 

In the background Adrian could be heard debating his actions. 

“Anything else I need to know?” Dan asked slightly annoyed he agreed to this. 

Dan’s mom made a long list of other reasons Adrian needed babysitting and what he wasn’t allowed to do. She told him all the travel details and when they planned to get back. 

His mom concluded and finally let him go. Laying in his sofa crease Dan realized he had just been talked into and agreed to go spend the next week back home. 

After hanging up the phone, Dan tossed the phone aside. His hands rubbed at his face in frustration. His head already hurt and his anxiety was up. 

“Fuck me in the butt,” Dan whispered to himself. 

Dan dragged himself off the couch and ventured back into Phil’s room. He was going to crawl back into bed and hide away. 

***

“Dan, common it’s only a week,” Phil’s hand was squeezing Dan’s shoulder to help bring comfort. 

Phil had spent a few hours trying to comfort Dan’s overactive mind. 

Dan shrugged Phil’s hand away, “I’m fine. Would you let the subject drop?” 

“Hey, don’t give me attitude. You’re the one who is stressing out about this week away from each other. We’ve done this before,” Phil said as he returned to packing his own suitcase. 

Phil decided that he’d visit his family while Dan spent quality time with Adrian. That was how Phil tried to sell this week away from each other to Dan. Phil was feeling nervous about Dan’s separation anxiety. Was Dan going to last a week apart? Wait, would he last a week?

“I’m not giving you attitude,” Dan’s voice cracked as he threw the jumper down on the bed that he was folding. 

Phil knew Dan was sensitive right now and arguing wasn’t going to help. Phil stopped packing and watched Dan, who was either going to storming out in anger or breaking down into tears. They were still in a very good place together but over the last week there had been a few tensions. “Danny, come here,” Phil said softly. His arms opened but Dan was being stubborn. 

“You either come over here or I’m coming over there,” Phil threatened lovingly. He knew that he would have to go over to Dan. The stubbornness of that damn boy, but all the reason to love him more. Phil walked over and had Dan engulfed in his arms right away. Dan was ridge but he loosened up and hugged Phil tightly back. 

“I don’t want to do this,” Dan croaked out. He was anxious. 

Phil held him close. They had three days before they parted ways and he prayed it would be ok. 

***

Moans were filling the game room. 

Dan was out of breath and Phil was focused. They had been on a marathon all morning around the flat. Earlier that morning Dan had instigated sex in the kitchen and they had been on a role since. They had been stumbling from room to room, floor to floor, and there was no end to the hunger they had for each other. 

They had gotten past intimate and were down to the real animalistic nature of sex. Phil slammed harder into Dan’s body and he was screaming out in pleasure. Their neighbors were going to hate them. Phil worked at his back breaking pace, Dan gripped the fabric on the futon as he desperately tried to stop screaming. 

“I’m so close,” Dan panted out. 

Phil kept slamming into Dan when they heard a loud bang. “What was,” Phil didn’t even finish his sentence he was cut off by Dan’s boisterous screams of ecstasy and release. Phil soon followed. 

Dan fell flat down onto his stomach on the futon. Another loud sound filled the room. 

“I think we broke the futon,” Dan said in a breathy voice. 

Phil laughed as he collapsed down on the futon which made another loud cracking sound.

“We’re not taking this one to the cottage,” Phil said. 

***

Phil swept a piece of Dan’s hair away from his eyes as he slept on the couch. Dan had woken up aching and that meant lounging around the flat for the day. Phil babied him all day with food and cuddles. 

“I love you to the moon and back,” Phil cooed as Dan continued to nap. 

He didn’t dare move in case he woke Dan up. He was sprawled out across Phil’s knees on the couch. It had started as a day spent on the couch watching scary movies. Phil had made a pot of coffee and by noon ordered pizza. Lounging around soon resulted in Dan dozing off. Phil continuously played with Dan’s hair as he watched Battle Royale on Netflix. He wanted to wake Dan up so he wouldn’t miss the movie but he knew recovery days were important to Dan. He could wait though, he wanted to live in this moment for a little while longer. 

A little while later Dan awoke somewhat refreshed but still feeling wore out. Phil had suggested a relaxing bath together. He had generously drawn the bath and added a vanilla bath bomb to the water. Dan loved their spacious bathtub because they both could comfortably lay in the tub together. Phil was the first one in the tub so he could allow Dan to lean back into his chest. Dan adored when they shared a bath. It was something they would do on the odd occasion, and that was what made it special. Dan could stay in the comfort of the warm, vanilla scented water, and Phil’s embrace for hours if possible. 

“We leave tomorrow,” Dan acknowledged as they lay in the tub. The water gently swished its way up Dan’s chest as Phil shifted behind him. 

Phil’s hands traced over Dan’s slippery wet skin. He knew this was their last day at home together and he wanted to make the most of it. “The week will go fast,” he said tracing out Dan’s whole name with his pruned fingers. 

“I hope so,” Dan said as he let the relaxing feel of Phil’s fingers tracing around his chest. He really hoped Phil was right.

***

The next morning was chaotic. 

Phil was trying to pack the car and Dan was trying to explain to his mom the travel plans. Somewhere in between packing up the car and phone calls, Dan tripped up the stairs in a panic to water all Phil’s plants. 

Phil was making breakfast while throwing away any foods that would spoil over their absence. 

The travel plans were simple, drive Phil to his parents place and drop him off, then Dan would continue on with the car to his parents. It seemed simple till the battle over who got to drive the new car first started. 

“Rock, paper, scissors,” Phil said pour coffee into a travel mug. 

Dan rolled his eyes. 

They finally purchased a car and the first big trip is to their parents places. 

To Dan surprise Phil won the battle over who got to drive the car. Phil of course had nothing but nice things to say and assured Dan he would get to drive the car all the way to his destination. It was fair. Phil let Dan have control of the stereo when they finally got on the road. The car was filled with the sounds of Panic At The Disco and Fall Out Boy for most of the drive out to Phil’s parents’ house. The drive was long but it gave them time to talk. Talking seemed to keep the inevitable topic of missing each other out of the conversation. Time and landscape flashed past them as they drove and as the minutes counted down they were nearing Phil’s destination. The closer they got the harder it was not to talk about missing the other. It was when they turned onto the street where Phil was staying that it became clear, this was it. 

Dan was silent, completely lost for words, and anxious. He wasn’t ready to be separated from Phil for a week. Phil’s parents greeted them and marveled over the car the boys had purchased. Dan helped unpacked Phil’s stuff from the car. The whole time the anxiety crawled up Dan’s throat and constricted his breathing. He knew he needed to get on the road soon. 

“Dan, I promise this won’t be that bad,” Phil said pulling Dan into a tight loving embrace. 

Dan hugged him tightly back. They said their various feelings of love for each other and kissed each. 

“I love you, Phil,” Dan said sadly. 

Phil peppered another kiss to Dan’s lips, “I love you too, Bear. You need to get going.” 

“I know,” Dan answered weakly. 

Dan finally budged and moved from Phil’s embrace. Getting into the car, Phil gave him that reassuring smile that everything would be ok and waved him off. 

Staying strong was something Dan managed to do for a little bit but he was soon tearing up and feeling alone. He didn’t want to be away from Phil, not right now. Saying goodbye was the hardest thing for him. Good old insecurity was working its magic. 

Cranking the stereo up louder to drown out the sadness, Dan drove on. His over active mind kept missing everything about Phil but he knew it was only a week. He quickly texted Phil to say he would call when he got back home. With My Chemical Romance blasting over the car stereo and only a few more hours of driving left to do, he would finally see Adrian. 

Hopefully they’d have fun. 

It wasn’t long before Phil texted him to tell him how much he was missing him. 

They’ve done this before but somehow this time around it was harder. 

Hopefully time would fly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took forever!
> 
> Life again happened and working two jobs has ruled my life. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Love is missing someone whenever you’re apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you’re close in heart.”

Dan’s fingers drummed against the steering wheel as he drove. 

The stereo was blasting so loud that the seat rumbled, but it made him feel better. It kept his mind occupied through most of the drive. A sense of pride burned inside him that he managed to keep himself from crying. He had felt his eyes itching but he kept his cool. Phil would want him to be strong, he needed to be strong. In the past it was easier to go away for a week but now with the cottage, that was where they wanted to be. 

Dan knew he was close to home. His breathing was already starting to constrict and his palms were sweating. 

Being back in his home town was nerve racking. He’d escaped the negativity and sadness of this place a long time ago. The only happiness Dan had from his home town was meeting Phil and leaving to go off to university. He got to leave behind the bullies and misunderstanding of his identity issues. He was free from frustrated parents saying he had an attitude problem or was useless because deep down he was severely depressed. He had left behind people who called him a “faggot” or a “freak” because he made YouTube videos. He didn’t have to feel like a failure because he was fired from two jobs and didn’t complete his law degree. 

He had friends. Not a lot but he had them. There were things he enjoyed about his life as a teenager but nothing compared to the life he had built when he left. He became famous, he wrote a book, he fell in love with his best friend, and he had a job with the BBC. All that work bought them a flat in London, a cottage hidden in the country side, and a car. Phil was the one who kept them working so hard to get through some of the hard times in their relationship because of Dan’s depression. 

Dan was truly grateful for Phil’s dedication to him. He was always supportive when sometimes he should throw his hands up in frustration and say he’s done. Phil was selfless though, his love and devotion was saintly. 

The house came into view and Dan pulled up in front of the house. 

He needed a minute to collect himself. With a big breath, Dan forced himself to get out of the car. He stretched and heard his back crack. He had been in the car almost all day and it was refreshing to stand up and move. The stiffness in his body was similar to sitting in his sofa crease for hours a day. The warm summer air was so hot it could suffocate someone in one breath. Numb legs soon regained their feeling and began to move. 

Dan got his suitcase from the trunk and locked the car up. He knew he over packed for this week. He had packed enough to last a whole tour. Phil had asked him why he was packing so much and the only answer they came up with was it was a coping mechanism. Some way to feel like Dan had a control over this whole separation and week away from each other. 

Walking up the path, Dan was greeted by the sight of his childhood home. It looked the same as it did when he packed his bags and moved away. That house was a sense of pride for his parents. They had worked so hard to get a home for their children, and Dan now understood what they did. He had worked hard for his accomplishments and was proud. He stood in front of the door and finally knocked. 

He felt like a fool standing there waiting. He was going to be here forever until Adrian finally answered. 

Swinging the door wide open, Dan was met by the cheerful look of Adrian. “You’re finally here!” he said happily. 

“I am. Are you going to let me in?” Dan questioned. 

Adrian moved aside to allow Dan in the door. Dan hardly got the door closed and Adrian was hugging him. Instinctively he hugged his brother back. Adrian hugged him tightly. 

“I missed you,” said Adrian. 

A wave of emotion came over Dan. It had been a rough day already but he was happy seeing Adrian, he had really missed his little brother these last few months. 

“I missed you, as well,” Dan said sincerely. 

Adrian released Dan and they began their typical visiting behavior. Dan found his way to the kitchen to search for baking or something to eat. His mission was to have some comfort food to sooth his emotionally stressful day. Once he had devoured half a bag of crisps and a glass of Coke, his nerves were calmed. Dan sent Phil a text confirming that he arrived and would call him in a bit. 

Colin was begging for Dan’s attention, which he gladly gave the dog. He leaned down to pet him and cooed over how much he loved him. The desire to have a pet burned through his system. Once the cottage was completed, they should really get a pet. Phil’s desire to have a dog or a cat was brought up in conversation a lot and it seemed like the right time. He would purpose the idea to Phil when they were reunited with each other, as for now he was going to enjoy petting Colin. 

***

Phil was anxiously awaiting Dan’s text message confirming that he arrived safely. 

He retreated to the room he was staying in to have a nap. He already missed Dan’s tired eyes that were too heavy to stay open and small whines of how tired he was. It was something he always loved about Dan. Whenever he was tired he would fight his urge to sleep, he wanted to snuggle into Phil’s arms and be loved. Many of Dan’s restless and sad days were spent that way, so emotionally tired he would beg Phil to hold him till he was asleep. 

The first night Dan ever slept over at Phil’s, he was so exhausted but stayed awake. He was staring at Phil as if he was unsure what he should do. His tired brown eyes so heavy, they continued to open and close slowly. Dan’s pouty lips, puckered and swollen from making out for so long allowed small gusts of air escaped his mouth. He was somewhere between nervous and content. That was what Phil fell in love with. The fact that Dan still looked at him with that look seven years later, meant the world to him. 

Warm and cozy in his bed, Phil drifted off to dreamland. He dreamed of Dan and all the things he wanted to do to him. He wanted to hold Dan close to his chest and tell him how much he loved him. He wanted to brush Dan’s wavy hair away from his face as he stole one to many kisses, ones that made it difficult to edit out of their videos. He wanted to feel Dan quivering underneath him. These were all things he dreamed about when they were apart. 

His three-hour nap was interrupted by the sound of his ringtone. It drew him out of his sleep instantly. 

It was Dan informing him that he had safely arrived and would call him later that night. 

Phil decided to get up and spend time with his parents. The sooner he got up, the sooner evening would arrive. Being home was nice though, he was happy to see his mom. They ended up in the yard having tea. The conversation revolved around the cottage and how Dan was doing. It was a normal conversation for them, especially the topic of Dan. His mom was very supportive and loving towards Dan. It was something Phil truly appreciated. On many occasions his mom was more supportive than Dan’s was, especially when they were struggling. She always had an answer or suggestion to help Phil and he truly appreciated that. 

“Are you enjoying the cottage?” his mom asked.

It was one of the reasons he was so happy. The chance to have a garden and privacy was rewarding. Seeing Dan getting better and falling more in love with him, made him ecstatic. 

“Here, let me show you some photos. I am so proud of how it’s coming together,” Phil said turning on his phone. 

He showed his mom all the photos he had of the cottage till it was time to make supper. Martyn joined them for family supper. Time was going extremely slow though and it felt like Phil would never get to talk to Dan. 

***

“What do you want for supper?” Dan asked Adrian as he stood in the kitchen. He had searched through the cupboards and fridge to see what options they had for supper. 

Adrian shrugged his shoulders and acted like a typical indecisive teenager. “Don’t exactly feel like getting food poisoning from your cooking,” he said sarcastically. 

Dan glared back at the annoying teenager. No wonder his mom needed to hire a babysitter, “Well, mom said you were useless, so I doubt you’re cooking.” 

“Shut up, asshole,” snapped Adrian. He crossed his arms across his chest and pouted. Dan recognized that look, it was a look that he had when he didn’t get his way.

Dan sighed. They had spent a good portion of the afternoon playing video games together and catching up. “We could order pizza,” Dan suggested to Adrian. 

He wanted to keep peace between them and pizza seemed like the best peace offering. 

“Yah, okay,” Adrian said. 

With that decision made, Dan ordered the pizza and then the hunt for a movie on Netflix started. They only had to have one rock, paper, scissors match to pick whose movie they watched first. Adrian wanted a horror movie and Dan wanted to watch action. The fates allowed Adrian to win and Dan shut his mouth. The happiness Adrian had about beating Dan at something was similar to how Phil acted. Excited but not in your face about it. Dan allowed Adrian to start the horror movie as they waited for the pizza. They both jumped a mile when the doorbell rang. 

Their evening was easy going but all Dan wanted to do was call Phil. Adrian called him out when he tried to sneak off for a bit. 

“You spend all your time with Phil,” Adrian whined from the couch. 

Dan knew he had a point. It was true, he did always spend his time with Phil but he missed him. “I’ll wait,” he said as he texted Phil. They returned to their movies till it was bedtime. Dan was exhausted but Phil had convinced him to go on Skype with him. Once he had brushed his teeth and changed into some pajamas, it was time to set up his laptop.  
Crawling into bed, Dan had the jitters. His laptop slowly loaded Skype and he snuggled down under his blankets. The moment the screen opened up, Phil was sending him a request. Dan accepted the request and Phil’s beaming face lit up the screen. 

“This takes me back,” Phil laughed as Dan came into focus on the screen. It had been a long time since they had Skyped in that room. It was the room that started it all for Dan.  
Cuddling more into his covers, Dan already felt lonely. “How am I going to sleep without you here?” Dan asked seriously. Those nights apart Skyping each other were some of the most amazing and some of the hardest times in their relationship. 

“I’ll talk to you till you fall asleep. Like old times,” Phil said beaming. 

They talked for an hour, then Dan’s eyes became heavy. Phil knew that Dan was falling asleep. The small whining pleas to stay awake started. The conversation continued till Dan could no longer keep his eyes open and his words were mumbles. Phil could no longer make out what Dan was saying but he kept watching Dan on the screen. The sounds of silence filled Skype. Dan’s chest slowly rose and fell, meaning he was finally asleep. 

As promised Phil talked to Dan till he fell asleep. Phil watched him sleep for a bit but soon it was time for him to go to bed. “I love you, Bear,” Phil whispered before ending the call.

***

Phil’s morning was filled with coffee and trying to make plans with Martyn. He was being indecisive and making Phil’s head hurt already. 

Martyn suggested having some drinks in the yard which sounded fine with Phil. Most of the morning Phil had texted Dan, who was searching through his room for some possessions he wanted. When Phil finally arrived at Martyn’s he was bombarded with questions.  
“You gave him a ring?” was where it started. 

Phil explained the whole situation and how he had planned the scavenger hunt for Dan. Cornelia awed over how sweet that gesture was and how lucky Dan was.  
“It wasn’t an engagement ring?” Martyn pestered. He sipped at the beer he was drinking. 

Irritation burned through Phil’s body, “No, it was a promise ring.” 

The look Martyn gave Phil was incredulous and disbelieving. “You’ve been together seven years and you got him a promise ring?” Martyn kept repeating the words “promise ring”, as if this was the biggest mistake ever. 

“I gave him a promise ring because it was a physical promise I would always be there for him,” Phil said trying to validate his argument. He had no regrets about giving Dan a promise ring. Cornelia backed up his argument and said there was no rush about getting engaged. 

The subject was soon dropped when Phil told Martyn off. 

Thank god for Cornelia, she brought up the cottage and maybe coming to visit. That sent the conversation in a different direction and resolved the tension. Phil explained they needed to still dig their fire pit but he would love for them to visit. 

Phil couldn’t wait to go back home. Martyn kept asking if Dan was getting better as well. It was a topic that was hard to discuss with his brother. In the past Martyn had witnessed how Dan got sometimes, it wasn’t preventable at times when they toured. Phil knew how to handle it. 

“Dan is doing great. Going to the cottage regularly has helped him a lot,” Phil said trying to end the conversation. 

He loved Martyn, he truly did but sometimes he was a complete pain in his ass. Phil understood that his brother was looking out for him and only did these things because he cared. He asked about Dan because he cared about him too. 

The rest of the visit was more cheerful and game filled. Phil was having a good time with his brother and sister-in-law. He was slowly wearing down though and wanted to get back to his parent’s house. Dan was sending more texts, which had made him concerned. He told Dan when he got home he’d Skype with him. Martyn drove Phil back to their parent’s house but his parting words of advice managed to sour his mood again. 

“Ask that boy to marry you,” Martyn said with a smile but full of seriousness. 

Phil exited the car as soon as possible. Thanking his brother for the ride and getting into the house. He needed to hear Dan’s voice. He wanted to get his brother’s words out of his mind. Without thinking he called Dan instead. 

They talked about their days and spending time with their brothers. Phil did not mention his issues with Martyn but kept it positive. He couldn’t wait to return home with Dan. He was ready to take back his words about this trip. He had been so sure it’d go by fast but so far it was the longest time apart from his love. 

***

By day three both the boys were looking forward to the week ending. 

Dan had spent most of his second day tearing his old bedroom apart. He was on a search for any valuables he might want to take home with him. He didn’t know what exactly he was looking for but he thought it was a good way to spend his time and keep his mind off of missing Phil. 

Adrian joined him. He watched Dan tear his room apart. “What are you looking for?” he asked. 

“I don’t know. Anything I might want from my childhood,” Dan said in a frustrated tone. He had obviously taken most of his stuff when he moved the first time but there was a chance he would find something. His search was so far unsuccessful. 

Adrian stayed perched on Dan’s bed as he continued to tear through the room. “You know mom and dad love you, right,” Adrian said as he kept his eyes trained on Dan.  
“Obviously,” Dan said agitatedly. 

The atmosphere of the room was tense. Dan absolutely despised when the topic of Christmas 2010. It seemed everyone wanted to talk about it but himself. 

“Dan, mom and dad were only surprised you were gay. They didn’t stop loving you because of it,” Adrian said as he watched Dan’s body language. 

Dan let another sigh out, “Listen, I didn’t love myself enough to accept myself and my sexuality.” 

“I admire you for being yourself,” Adrian said trying not to gush. He did mean it. He admired that his older brother worked so hard to figure out his life. He admired his brother’s success as well. 

Those words alone made Dan feel like a hundred dollars. His little brother admired him. 

Later that night, Dan lay awake thinking about his room. This was the room that he filmed Hello Internet in and watched all of AmazingPhil’s YouTube videos. He fell in love with Phil and planned to meet him over Skype late at night in his room. he prayed his parents wouldn’t walk in when he was being a complete tease when they started to see each other more exclusively long distance. Without this room he would never become the person he was today. 

***

“I’m so sick of my family,” Phil said in an irritated voice. By the third day, Phil was at his wits end. His family kept talking about how he needs to ask Dan to marry him.  
Dan very rarely heard Phil speak so negatively about his family. He allowed Phil to let off his steam and anger. The odd time he would get a word in but Phil was on a role. 

“I love you, Philly,” Dan said trying to bring comfort. 

All Dan’s efforts were ignored till Phil finally calmed down. “I’m ready to go home,” Phil said tiredly. 

“I could drive down to get you early,” offered Dan. 

They discussed a plan for Dan to drive back to pick Phil up. It seemed ridiculous but Phil was begging him to come get him. Dan promised to call him again in the morning before he got on the road. Phil had only lasted three days out of seven at home. 

Dan went to bed feeling uneasy. He wasn’t used to Phil being this upset. Sleep didn’t come easily. 

***

“Adrian! Hurry up!” Dan yelled into the house. 

It was eight in the morning and Dan was ready to be on the road. Colin was already in the car waiting patiently for the car ride. Adrian bounded out of the house with his iPad in hand. 

“Not planning to talk to me?” Dan pointed out as he locked up the house. 

Adrian scoffed at him as he hurried to the car. “I might want to play a game,” he reasoned as he got into the passenger side of the car. Dan could only roll his eyes.

The drive was more amusing with Adrian continuously goofing off. Dan was enjoying his time singing obnoxiously with his brother or trying to out rap him. It thankfully made the time pass and even Colin seemed to enjoy the trip. Every now and then Phil would text them to ask their status. 

“You missed Phil a lot didn’t you?” Adrian pestered. 

Of course he missed Phil. “I miss waking up beside him,” Dan said. 

“You probably only miss the sex,” Adrian taunted. 

Dan laughed but didn’t want to answer that. 

The drive continued to be uneventful and filled with the brother’s childish antics. The world around them flashed by and they were to absorbed in their own world. Dan could feel the excitement rising in his body when he finally saw the Lester house coming into view. The drive had gone by much faster with Adrian there. The car was hardly parked and Phil was exiting the house at a fast pace. 

Dan got out of the car and before he knew it, his arms were full of Phil. “I missed you so much,” Phil said in a low voice. 

Already Dan sensed something was off about Phil but he left it alone. Later when they were in the small confines of his childhood room, he would ask what was up. 

Phil greeted Adrian and Colin like Dan and said goodbye to his family. He made sure to emphasize the importance of getting on the road right away. Dan quickly said his goodbyes as well and they were back on the road. They all started a road game of out rhyming each other. Dan could tell something was on Phil’s mind. The day was well spent on a mini road trip. 

When they finally arrived back to the Howell residence, it was supper time. Dan and Phil started on supper. 

“It looks amazing,” Adrian commented on the stir fry. It was nice to have a sit down supper together for a change.

“That was all Phil,” Dan smiled. He felt so proud Phil was his man. 

***

“Do you want to talk about it?” Dan asked later that night. Phil had cuddled up into Dan’s body. His head rested on Dan’s chest so he could hear the lulling sound of Dan’s heartbeat. 

Dan’s hand rubbed gently up and down Phil’s arm. 

“You know that I’ll ask you to marry me when it’s the perfect time, right?” he said with a sad tone. 

That tone took Dan by surprise. His sunshine was never sad. “Of course, Phil. There is no rush,” Dan pulled Phil a little closer into him. 

“Are you disappointed I didn’t ask you to marry me that day?” Phil hated to ask that question because it was possible Dan was disappointed. 

Gently Dan kissed Phil’s forehead. “You gave me a ring to symbolize our relationship and love. That is enough for me,” Dan said wholeheartedly. 

“You should have more,” Phil countered. He genuinely felt down about the whole situation. He knew that Dan loved the ring. It had brought a new level of comfort to their relationship. Dan felt a lot better emotionally to from the gesture. 

Dan laughed lightly before speaking, “You are all I need.” 

***

The rain kept the boys inside the next day. 

Dan watched off and on as Phil and Adrian battled to the death playing Mortal Kombat. He was immersed in a book he had been trying to read for a month. 

Adrian let out a groan of frustration as he lost again, “It’s not fair! You’re older and have played longer!”

“It was a fair match,” Phil said nicely to the younger boy. 

The grumbling continued as they continued to play. Dan observed them off and on, between reading. 

Phil was kind and never once belittled Adrian’s shortcomings during a game. He would give advice on how to make attacks and even if that advice was going to give him a disadvantage later. Phil teased him but encouraged him to try again. It was characteristics like this that made Dan fall in love with Phil more. 

“You need to basically smash buttons to figure out what combo you have,” Phil said during another advice giving session. 

Dan’s admiration wandered. One day Phil would be an amazing father. He watched Phil throw a game to let Adrian win. He played off that he was disappointed losing his winning streak, but deep down Dan knew he was happy. He admired how Phil was determined to bring a radiant light to everyone around him. 

When Phil and Adrian grew tired of video games it was a good time to make supper and watch movies. 

“Dan, please grab the taco chips,” Phil called from the living room. 

Dan was showing Adrian how to make a Mexican taco kit. He wanted to brag to his mom that he taught Adrian to cook something. 

He hurried back into the living room with the taco chips. Phil made room for him on the couch and he joined the group for supper. 

They watched Netflix till the early hours of the morning. They continued to taunt each other with comments such as “Hey, look it’s you” or mocking Dan and Adrian’s hobbit hair.  
Around 2:00 am Dan and Phil snuck upstairs to sleep.

***

Dan was aware Phil was still feeling down. 

He noticed it the next day as they cuddled on the couch. Phil was quiet. He was a little gray cloud that day instead of the sun. The movie they were watching was a comedy but Phil wasn’t laughing. He was hardly talking, which was out of character for Phil. 

“Hey, I love you with all my heart,” Dan whispered in his ear. He wanted to make Phil feel better. 

Phil didn’t respond. He only snuggled closer into Dan. 

He wanted to stop thinking. He wanted to be numb from the world and his thoughts for a little while. Phil knew that Dan loved him with all his heart but he felt like he had failed him. Dan deserved to have a wedding ring on his finger, not a promise ring. He should have done better. 

Dan rubbed his back and kept telling him all the reasons he loved him, but he didn’t want to hear those things right now. Wallowing in the pits of disappointment and sorrow seemed to be a more suitable place for him. For once he was sick of being everyone else’s sunshine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Zero excuses that life, travel, and tragedy happen. 
> 
> Writing seemed to be the only thing to make me feel better at this time. 
> 
> I hope everyone enjoys this chapter. 
> 
> Hyvää päivänjatkoa


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I would write you a novel of “I love you’s” if that would make you feel a little better.”

The world felt gray and lonely. 

Even with the sun shining through the last summer days, it felt like darkness. Phil’s last day at Dan’s place was filled with tiredness and sadness. He had so much doubt. Nothing Dan said made him feel better. He put on his best fake smile and acted as cheerful as he always was. He knew that Dan wasn’t buying that he was ok. 

When Dan’s parents finally arrived home the boys were free to leave. Phil packed his bag and rushed Dan out the door. He wanted to put a distance between him and any family members, his own or future in-laws. Dan had managed to convince Phil to wait till they had lunch before they got back on the road. Once on the road Phil was focused on driving. Kayne played on the stereo and Dan sat quietly in the passenger seat. 

Phil wanted Dan to stop staring at him. He really wanted to be alone and Dan staring at him was getting on his nerves. 

“Quit staring at me,” Phil snapped. His venomous tone made Dan look away from him instantly and looked out of the passenger window. 

If he was in a bad mood, Dan was going to be in one too. He didn’t care at the moment if he was mean. He was sick of being a ray of sunshine for everyone. He was tired of always being so nice. Dan kept his eyes to himself for the rest of the drive. Not a word was said and whatever music came up next was left to fill the car with some kind of distracting sound. 

Dan was too nervous to ask why they had driven out to cottage instead of going back to London. Phil was in a bad mood and he didn’t want to stoke that fire. He let Phil have distance when they arrived at the cottage. He started the laundry and cleaning as Phil worked in the yard. There was no reason for him to pout, he knew he was a terror at times to Phil. 

There were so many weeds in the garden. Phil couldn’t believe how disastrous his yard looked in one week. He knew fall was approaching but his plants could have held on a bit longer. He started to pick the dead plants out of the plant pots first. His heart hurt for his plants. This was the last thing he needed on his conscious. He already felt horrible about the trip and then snapping at Dan in the car. 

The world seemed to want to punish him. Phil could feel his eyes itching. 

“Fuck,” he cursed quietly. Only the light breeze of the wind caught him say it. 

***

Dan stayed out of Phil’s way the next day. 

Phil’s focus was his yard and he seemed more at ease when he was out there. He obviously needed some alone time and Dan was going to permit him that. 

It was a brisk day but Phil wasn’t cold. He had to try to revitalize his small vegetable boxes. Alone with his thoughts again, he started to feel the doubt crawling back up. This doubt was like heartburn for Phil. It made him feel sick to his stomach. 

Phil wondered what Dan was up too. He felt bad about snapping at him the day before. Dan had stayed up really late on the computer and wandered up to bed close to 5:00 am. He knew that Dan was giving him space but he was starting to miss him. He’d make an effort when it was supper time to talk with Dan. 

His motivation to distract himself lead to digging the fire pit. This had been a project that had gone abandoned over the summer. Phil loved that he could put all his anger into digging this pit. Every time he slammed the shovel into the dirt he let go of one annoying thought at a time. He pushed the words his brother kept saying out of his head. He threw away all the hateful and frustrating words he heard over those few days at home. Dan had said he was happy and there was no rush to get married. He needed to believe those words. 

Dan didn’t lie. If anything he was the most honest person around. Why was it so hard to believe someone who was always honest? This doubt was going to eat him alive if he didn’t look at the facts. Dan is an honest person, they are in love, they are best friends, it has been seven years, and if Dan said he loved his ring then he did. For all the times he caught Dan looking or playing with the ring, that should have been enough for him to know he made the right choice. 

A promise was a huge thing to give. An engagement ring though would be forever. He knew that he wanted to marry Dan. This was the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with and raise a family with. He wanted to grow old with Dan and make fun of his aging. There was no one on this earth he loved more then Dan. 

Phil realized a little to late he had dug the pit a bit too deep. There was dirt everywhere around the chairs Dan had painted. He had put so much of his anger and sadness into digging the pit. 

“Are you digging a grave out there?” Dan asked from the open window in the living room. 

Phil looked up to see his favorite person in the world. He was smiling at him with all the love and light in the world at this moment. For the first time in a while Phil smiled. “Maybe; why don’t you come out and see?” he teased. 

“I’ll pass but I made some pizza if you want some,” Dan offered. 

It was hard to pass up an opportunity to eat so Phil wrapped up his digging and headed inside. 

***

Phil lurked around the cottage like a spy on a mission. 

Dan was had drifted off on the couch in the living room watching Netflix. The bag of Hobnobs were on the table beside him. 

The mission was to get all the comfort foods he needed so he could spend some time playing games on his laptop. His plan was to hide out in the office that evening. 

Phil was still in a mood but he knew eating all of Dan’s cereal, popcorn, and the rest of the Hobnobs would make him feel better. The only struggle would be getting the Hobnobs. 

Sneaking quietly through the kitchen to grab the bag of popcorn and Dan’s cereal, he snuck back up to the office. He repeated this process again to grab something to drink.  
He had no reason to feel ashamed for wanting to snack. 

Trying to tip toe back down the stairs to rescue the cookies from the Danosaur was going to be a challenge. The wood floors creaked and the Netflix screen was asking if Dan was still watching his show. Sneaking up to the couch Phil devised a plan. The goal to quietly reach from the back of the couch for the cookies. The floor was creaking to much to sneak around the side of the couch. The worst he could do was drop a cookie on the sleeping Dan. 

With pure determination Phil slowly leaned over the back of the couch and reached for the cookies. The need for these cookies were going to change his mood. He wanted them. He was so deep in concentration he didn’t notice a pair of brown eyes watching him. 

“Either take the cookies or come cuddle,” the voice said making Phil jump a mile. He squawked out an “AH” in surprise. 

Dan was now looking at him intently. “You going to take those cookies or what?” 

Phil laughed it off like he hadn’t been caught trying to sneak around. “I could go for a cuddle,” he said trying to hide his instant shame. 

Dan shifted over on the couch giving Phil some room to join him. 

“How did you know?” Phil asked as he got onto the couch so he could spoon Dan. 

Already Dan was snuggled into him and his eyes closed. Phil was unaware of the major headache Dan had at the moment. “The floors creak a lot,” Dan said bluntly. 

Realizing he was now in reach of the Hobnobs, Phil reached for one. Cuddling with a slight cranky Dan would make him feel better since they hadn’t been around each other much in the last two days; but a cookie would be an added bonus to the moment. 

“If you get chocolate in my hair you are a dead man,” Dan threatened. It had happened once before and Phil had tried to play it off like he had nothing to do with it. 

Phil dropped the cookie back on the table. It was a cruel choice between his love of food and Dan. “That was one time. I learned my lesson,” Phil countered trying to make it seem less threatening. It had been caramel chocolate he got in Dan’s hair. It was something Dan never seemed to forget. 

“Sshh, headache,” Dan said quietly. 

It was the end of the conversation for a bit. Over the past two days Phil had hid away in the office or out in the yard. He hadn’t kissed or hugged Dan in two days. The last conversation they had was over the fire pit. Phil realized how much he had missed Dan’s company in two days, even sleeping beside each other. Dan had given him space but right now it felt nice to be with the person he loved most. That made him feel a bit better.

“I’m sorry I snapped at you,” whispered Phil before he planted a soft kiss to Dan’s temple. 

A small grunt of acknowledgement escaped Dan mouth, “We’ll talk about it later. Now sshh.” 

Phil pulled Dan close to him and laced their fingers together. On Dan’s right hand he fidgeted with the ring off and on. He thought about the scavenger hunt and how Dan had lit up when the ring was put on his finger. That was such a miserable day weather wise but Dan was beaming so bright he could have been the sun. 

Dan was the perfect beacon of light and he would guide Phil back home emotionally. 

*** 

Phil had snuck outside early that morning to read in the yard. The sun was warming on his face as he read The Hobbit over again. Around him all he could hear was the rustling of the leaves and the birds chirping. 

He was a little stiff from sleeping on the couch the night before, especially when Dan had spread up to hog as much of the couch as he could. He had tucked Dan in when he snuck off the couch in the morning. It was nice to have the peace and quiet in the early hours but he was starting to miss the noisy side of his life. The sound of Dan laughing at his clumsy moments or the screams of fear over another moth. 

Dan was patient though. He wasn’t pushing Phil to talk to him. He was doing all the things Phil would do for him. Dan was making a great effort to make him feel better and he really appreciated it. 

He stayed outside reading till Dan joined him and brought a cup of coffee to him. Dan pressed a kiss to Phil’s lips and took a seat in one of the lawn chairs. 

“How are you feeling today?” Dan asked sweetly. His brown eyes studied Phil. 

They needed to talk. It had been almost three days now without their regular contact. Phil looked over at Dan for a moment and saw a welcoming smile. The look of true love.

Throwing the worn out book aside Phil’s one free hand reached out for Dan’s. “I feel a bit better,” he said before taking a sip of the coffee.

“You make me truly happy,” Dan said squeezing Phil’s hand tightly in his own. “I am more patient then you are but there is no rush, ok? I love what we have and what we are doing together.” 

Words spoken out of true appreciation and love. 

Those words made Phil feel a spark of warmth. He could feel the butterflies in his stomach. 

“How did I get so lucky?” Phil asked Dan quizzically. 

It was a question he realized he might never have an answer too but it wasn’t important. He had been with this amazing human for seven years. 

“You give me all of you,” was all Dan said. 

There wasn’t much else to say. They were happy sitting there in each others company. He could feel Dan’s love and happiness radiating through him. This was all he ever wanted in life, to sit in perfect solitude with Dan. There was no screaming fans or snoopy friends and family. It was only them. 

***

Phil was still hiding in the yard reading which gave Dan time to work on a few things. 

He texted PJ and Chris to ask them to keep Phil distracted off and on throughout the day. He was planning a romantic night. He would sneak over to the window every so often to see what Phil was up too. Dan had to hunt through a bunch of boxes for candles. 

Dan felt like a real domestic trying to make a roast for the first time in which he called his grandma to ask her what to do. He wrote down all the instructions and suggestions. His grandma asked why and he explained it was for a very special supper. She wished him luck and he was then back to trying not to burn the cottage down. 

Every time he thought Phil was going to come inside he would text PJ or Chris to cause more distraction. PJ won the award at keeping Phil distracted with phone calls about video game questions. 

Once everything was set up Dan called for Phil to come inside. 

Phil deserved to be doted upon today. It was payback for all the times he showed unconditional love for Dan. He didn’t like Phil feeling down and his goal was to make him happy again. Tonight was going to be a special night for them. 

Entering the house Phil could already smell supper. The living room and kitchen had a light glow from the candlelight. 

“What’s all this?” Phil said in a surprised tone. He met Dan in the kitchen to see the table was set with a plentiful plate of food. 

Dan was beaming at him as he pulled the chair out for Phil, encouraging him to sit down. “I thought we could have a special night,” Dan said taking his own seat after Phil sat down. 

“When did you learn to make a roast?” Phil asked. He was impressed by the meal in front of him. Dan was truly stepping up his cooking game. 

“Today,” Dan laughed nervously. He was watching Phil for his reaction to the meal. He was a little worried about the roast being dry. His grandma had warned him to keep a very close eye on it or he would have to call her for a gravy recipe. 

Phil didn’t say anything he was to busy savoring the food. 

“Do you like it?” Dan probed just to be sure. 

Phil’s hand reached across the table and gestured for Dan’s. “Give me your hand,” Phil said looking at Dan seriously. 

“Phil?” questioned Dan as he took Phil’s hand. 

“Please stop worrying, it tastes amazing. You did a really good job,” Phil praised. 

The conversation moved to how annoying PJ and Chris had been all day. especially PJ’s need to call almost every twenty minutes to ask him game tips. Dan wanted to tell him that he had hired them as a distraction but he didn’t want to ruin Phil’s animation. He was finally acting like himself. After supper Phil offered to do the dishes which gave Dan a moment to go upstairs. 

Phil was content washing the dishes and setting them aside to dry later. He was in a more loving mood after such a wonderful meal. Tonight he owed Dan after a week of being difficult. He could finally accept that Dan could be truly happy. Off in his own little world Phil was thinking about all the things he wanted to do to Dan. His mind was being overactive but it was lifting his spirits. 

“Why don’t you come upstairs,” Dan cooed from the living room. He was leaning up against the wall looking into the kitchen. 

Turning around Phil was met with the sight of Dan in only his boxers and a cardigan. A playful smile was playing across Dan’s lips and he was the image of pure seduction. To further his teasing, he nibbled at his thumbnail, “Please?” 

Dan’s voice was innocent and childlike. He used to always play sweet and innocent when really he was devious. “Take me to bed, Philly,” Dan said beckoning Phil to come to him.  
He didn’t have to ask twice. Phil blew the candles out in the kitchen and walked over to Dan. He pushed Dan back against the wall and let his hands roam over the exposed flesh. 

Hungry lips trailed up Dan’s neck which earned a desperate moan. 

“Common let’s go,” Dan said softly pushing Phil’s hands away. 

Phil followed Dan out of the living room and up the stairs. He couldn’t resist squeezing Dan’s butt as they traveled onwards. He knew Dan wouldn’t mind. He was obviously in some sort of mood to be that level of tease. Whatever Dan had planned Phil was already excited. 

Reaching the top of the stairs, Dan stopped outside the closed bedroom door. “We can do whatever you want, tonight is your night,” Dan said as he pressed his lips against Phil’s. 

His tongue running over Phil’s bottom lip and begging for entry. 

“So, we could have a sex marathon and I ravage you?” Phil teased pushing Dan into the bedroom door. 

Dan’s devious smile was back, “You can fuck me senseless if that is what you want.” 

Phil’s lips returned to Dan’s neck, his teeth grazed the soft flesh. “Hm, I want you in that bed,” Phil said. He could feel how worked up Dan was. He stopped nipping and kissing at Dan’s neck so they could go into the bedroom. 

The bedroom was set up with more candles and the laptop. The room had the smell of vanilla and an ambient glow to it. Dan had really made this night special.

“Silent Hill is loading on the laptop, and I set out all the other necessary things. You know…in case we want to do something more,” Dan continued to sound nervous. 

It was perfect. 

Dan pulled Phil towards the bed. 

“I love you, Danny,” Phil said pushed Dan down onto the bed. They were going to have a fun night. 

***

“Danny,” Phil whispered. He was playing with a piece of Dan’s wavy hair. 

He didn’t stir. He was cuddled into Phil’s side. 

Silent Hill was playing on the laptop and Dan was out cold. The glow from the candles still cascaded through the room. Phil was basking in the afterglow of passionate sex. All his dirty fantasies of ravaging Dan had changed into a more passion filled night. He wanted Dan to feel as good as he did emotionally. Phil was bubbly and on top of the world. All his worried had melted away once he was buried into Dan’s body and showing him how much he loved him. 

Phil loved when they would spend a night having passionate sex. It was more for special occasions but tonight was perfect. The slow loving torture was Dan’s favorite thing. It made him putty in Phil’s hands. That satisfaction that of saying “I love you” right before the end. 

Looking down at Dan, he felt at ease. Everything was fine. There was no reason to question anything, the most important thing he had was Dan’s word.  
“I’ll ask you soon, I promise,” Phil whispered lightly.

His eyes left Dan and returned to the movie. He continued to play with Dan’s hair absentmindedly as he watched the towns people gathering in the church. Contentment set in as he enjoyed the warmth off Dan’s body. With his brain no longer racing with doubt and his needs met sexually, he was now back to himself. All thanks to Dan. 

***

“I hate trimming the grass,” Dan complained bitterly. The yard was a little out of control with long grass. Phil had decided only his plants and vegetables were deserving of being weeded. 

Phil was watering his plants in hopes they would stay perked up. “I do too, that why you’re doing it,” Phil snickered. 

Dan stuck his tongue out and kept working. 

It was a cooler day and warnings of severe thunderstorms had been broadcast on the radio. They had been watching the sky most of the day in case they needed to retreat into their home. As per usual they worked till the late afternoon. They cooked supper together and found themselves in their living room playing video games till they were tormenting each other to much. 

The rain was drumming down violently on the cottage. 

“We should turn off all the lights and watch the storm,” Dan suggested as he got up from the couch and started to turn off the lights around them. 

The thunder rumbled loudly overhead. 

Phil got comfortable on the couch and pulled the quilt off the back of the couch. He waited to Dan to return to him so he could snuggle them up close. He wanted to cocoon Dan into his arms and the quilt. Dan didn’t fight him at all, he melted into the affectionate moment. 

Lightening streaked across the sky and lit up the room. 

It was their own private show. They watched out of their big living room windows. 

“Dan,” Phil said taking Dan out of his entranced state. 

Dan made a sound of recognition as he brought his attention more to Phil then the storm. 

“Thank you for making me feel better,” said Phil. He gave Dan a good squeeze. He wasn’t in the best position to hug Dan but that was enough. They had been together so long simple gestures were enough.

Dan was happy everything was back too normal. 

“I’m always here for you,” Dan said lovingly. 

Phil was the most selfless human being and all he ever wanted was for everyone to be happy. It was something Dan had learned from Phil in their seven-year relationship; and there was times Phil would need him, just like he needed Phil. These trials were some of the many things they needed to celebrate as a couple. Their strength and love for each other was a foundation for their future. The fact that they could still fall in love and appreciate every day somehow was magical. It made Dan want to get better with his depression and for Phil to give Dan the world. It was the definition of eternal love and friendship.  


There was no rush, they had time. 

Time to keep falling in love and goof around. Time to live their dreams and enjoy their careers. Time to be creative and do amazing things, and time to figure it out together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Completely moved in and figuring out how to tolerate my twin cousins! (They are annoying but great people to work with!)
> 
> For an update of what's going on, I left a little info in my profile! 
> 
> Happy Reading! 
> 
> -Lilja


	9. Chapter 9

The cold fall weather set in and the boys were called back to their London life. 

There was no freedom out at the cottage for two months. The BBC and YouTube requested their time. They had jobs and reputations to keep up. The desperation for day trips soon consumed them. They would wake up early to venture out to the cottage for a few hours. 

A few hours of complete freedom were all they needed. In that time, they could be alone together with phones shut off. No cameras in their face or videos to edit. The sound of nature drifted through the surrounding area. There wasn’t a car for miles driving down that stretch of road. The plants had died and the cottage was coated in a layer of dust. Those glittering dust motes danced for Dan when he threw open the curtains to lighten up the room.  
It felt like the first day they looked at the cottage. 

“What a mess,” Phil commented as he ran his finger along the mantel.

Dan sighed, “That’s what happens when you sign your life away.” 

They made haste to clean up the place they called home and retreated to the bedroom. The six hours they had would be put to good use. Then they’d get back in the car and drive through the night back to London. 

YouTube wanted more videos. 

BBC Radio wanted more airtime. 

Dan wanted more Phil and Phil wanted more Dan. 

They recorded videos for Spooky Week and some new Sims ones. Days were spent either filming, gaming, or editing. There was no down time. The time they got together was between editing sessions. Short meetings in the bathroom as they brushed their teeth or the brief kiss they got to share before both passing out on the bed after a long day. 

More often then not, Dan was facedown in the hallway. Existential Crisis mode in full swing.

“You need to edit and post videos,” Phil said sitting down beside his boyfriend. He was tired too but they had to keep going. September had come and gone and October would come to an end sooner then later. 

Dan could feel his eyes itching as he lay face down on the carpet. Even Phil’s hand caressing his back didn’t make him feel better. He felt overworked. All his creativity was leeched out of him. Phil soon retreated to the office to edit. After his bout of stubbornness, he got up and went to help. The sooner these videos got done they would have freedom. 

***

November came with little excitement. 

They were still shackled to London. 

It was the bad luck of Dan getting sick that earned them a break. Phil had them packed up and in the car within an hour. They made the long, winding drive to the cottage. 

Phil could feel himself relax when he turned off his phone. They needed peace and quiet. 

He got Dan comfortable upstairs. He was in a miserable mood from the ear infection he had. Dan told him how he would trade his ear infection for any other sickness. After spending four hours waiting to see a doctor and getting a list of antibiotics, Phil decided they needed to leave. 

“Phil, can you stay with me?” Dan croaked out. He was bundled up in Phil’s Jake hoodie and under every possible blanket they had. 

He of course would stay. 

He missed being needed. He hated missing someone he slept right beside every night. They lived together but it felt like they were trying to steal kisses in secret. Their lives so consumed by work that a simple hug from behind was now rare. 

Phil swept Dan’s wavy hair away from his fevered face. He peppered kisses onto his forehead, nose, and cheeks. His hand sought out to bring ease to the aching body next to him. As Dan drifted off, Phil told him all his favorite memories and all his ambitions for them. The loving guilt panged at his heart because even if Dan was sick at this moment, he wouldn’t trade this for anything in the world. 

They weren’t going home anytime soon. They needed time to themselves. 

***

Glitter and glue covered the kitchen table. 

There were craft supplies on every surface of the kitchen. A simple trip into the small little town had ended in a craft haul. Also, a junk food haul when they got to the grocery store. 

“Keep the glitter away from the food,” Dan warned, his stance was rigid. He had spent a good portion of the afternoon making a seven-layer dip for their supper. It was his own creation for the day.

The arts and crafts store they had shopped in had brought a lot of inspiration. They both had filled up a basket each of supplies to craft. The store had something for everyone and that was what got Dan and Phil filling up their baskets. 

“I’m making a snow globe for you. I needed a lot of glitter,” Phil tried desperately to defend his giant mess around the kitchen. 

Dan’s rigidness suddenly softened. He had a warm look on his face that was no longer a nonthreatening warning expression. “Awh, Phil. Did you really make me a snow globe?” 

“See, I have a whole lot of black glitter to represent your soul and little golden starts to represent how bright you shine,” Phil gushed over the project not even realizing how much Dan was gushing over the cuteness overload he was suffering. 

Dan admired the snow globe Phil held up. The excitement seeping from Phil made him warm inside. The gesture was done out of pure love and it made Dan’s “soulless” body bubble with happiness. “That’s probably the cutest thing I’ve ever heard you say,” Dan said. 

“We can put it in the office and when you get frustrated gaming, you can shake it,” Phil said considerately. 

That was exactly what Dan did with the snow globe. He placed it within arms reach on top of the desk. Every so often Dan would pick it up and admire it when he was waiting for a page to load. The black glitter and stars floated whimsically around the globe. It was almost calming to watch the mixture dance as he waited. 

***

It was the middle of the night at the end of November when Dan lay awake. He was staring at the ceiling, having a different type of existential crisis. His anxiety was running higher as the days counted down to their return to London. 

YouTube had asked them to do a Christmas gaming marathon. It would put them in a good quota for the rest of the year. 

Dan felt frozen in place. His mind racing with the need to talk to Phil. He was tired. It felt like sleep would never come to him. Why wouldn’t the sandman grant him his wish to sleep? He was aware of Phil sleeping soundly beside him. His chest constricted as his mind wondered. His memories lingering on a particular incident. One that was forever left alone. Dan could feel his hands shaking from the sheer anxiety that was plaguing his body. 

He felt like he was being dragged underwater. Being held down against his will and all the while he was awake, staring at the white ceiling. Darkness filling his lungs and mind, as water poured from his eyes. His shaking hand reached out to grab for the only safeguard around him. Choke sobs filled the room and Phil was awake instantly. The bedside lamp flicked on to see Dan trying to hide his face in his hands. The last time they were at this point in their relationship, Dan had shut him out. 

“Hey,” Phil said in a soft voice. “Danny, look at me.” 

Dan fought all his urge to hide and looked up at his boyfriend, who was staring down at him with the most confused expression on his face. He knew that Phil was squinting at him a bit because he couldn’t see. Blue eyes that saw him always at his best and a lot at his worst. Phil had propped himself up on his elbow to look at Dan more clearly. His hand was already wiping away tears once given the access to see Dan’s face. 

“I’m sorry,” Dan whimpered. 

He was sorry for everything he had ever done wrong to Phil. Sorry that he was such a mess. 

Phil was patient with Dan, he knew Dan better than anyone else. If this was going to be their breakthrough finally after waiting so many years, he could ease the tension. “Talk to me,” Phil said lovingly as he caressed Dan’s damp tear stained cheeks. 

“Phil, I can’t do it anymore,” Dan choked out. 

There was a sudden lull of silence in the room. Phil’s heart was beating slowly. 

“I want the world to start figuring out we are together. I want to, I want to be more open about us and myself. I’m tired of hiding,” Dan huffed out. He was already drained. 

Phil’s heart softened, “Danny, anytime you are ready to out us, I am behind you.” 

“I didn’t get to tell my parents the way I wanted too. It was by accident and everything got blown out of proportion. I was angry with myself and you because I didn’t accept myself enough,” wiping away more tears, Dan’s breathing was just starting to become more relaxed. 

“Is that why we had that major fight?” Phil dared to ask. 

Dan didn’t know what made him do it but he weakly smiled at Phil. It wasn’t a happy smile more sympathetic. “I hated myself so much for slipping up and how my parents reacted. Then you got the other half of my self hatred and sadness.” 

“Dan? What did your parents say?” Phil asked cautiously. He had always felt so welcomed in their home. Had they hated Dan for his choices?

“They asked typical concerned questions. It was the idea that you were older and made me stay with you was what made me mad. Then seeing you, well I hated that something that made me so happy was being saw as possibly bad. My parents flipped and realized it was the wrong thing to do. We resolved it, but that little stint of depression was self-loathing,” Dan didn’t know what made him go on autopilot either but he was letting the words slip from his mouth. He had Phil occupied well over an hour in detail of how it all played out. He couldn’t stop. He didn’t want to stop. 

Phil could see Dan was at ease. His facial features even if they showed a little concern were relaxed. He had no tears left, just words that needed to be spoken while Phil gave him the kisses that he needed for each wound he had hidden. 

They hadn’t intended after such a draining talk that it would lead to sex. If anything, they should have gone back to sleep but Phil’s affection had sparked some heated passion. Slow passionate sex that had them closer then they every humanly had been. They were now on a whole new level. 

***

They returned to London to quickly film all their videos. Their Christmas gaming marathon was filmed within a week. 

“We’ll edit out at the cottage,” Phil said as he rushed to pack up some of their Christmas decorations. 

Dan had hardly woken up when Phil started to rush him. “I’m having a cup of coffee,” Dan said in an irritated voice. They had worked late nights to make the videos so he wanted to rest a little bit more. 

“You’re present will be getting cold,” Phil taunted. All week he had been bugging Dan about this major Christmas gift. 

If anything, it was making Dan more reluctant to get ready. This would be his first Christmas away from his family. They planned to visit after boxing day, the whole excuse was to spend their first Christmas as cottage owners at their place. It was going to be amazing and lonely. 

“I’m just saying, once you see it you’ll wish we rushed out there sooner,” Phil continued his bugging. 

***

Editing was making them mental. 

The whole cottage smelled of baked goods as they ate and worked through editing. Just was one video was edited and posted the next one was being worked on.  
Cookies and brownies were on plates where they worked at the kitchen table. In the living room the real tree Dan had convinced Phil to buy was slowly getting dressed in ornaments. When snacking and editing became boring, they started decorating.

“Are we making turkey or ham?” Dan asked as he worked away at the editing. He was feeling proud of his new-found cooking skills. 

Phil hummed out a simple, “I don’t care.” 

They worked in close contentment. Stealing kisses here and there. Luring each other in and out of the bedroom. After a week, the tree was finally decorated and all the editing done. 

***

Dan awoke to something cold touching his face. 

Rolling over, he felt that cold sensation touch him again. As he tried to pull the covers over his head and sleep long till he felt something pounce on him. 

Slowly cracking his eyes open he saw a mass of tan fur bouncing around. 

He had to be dreaming. 

There was no way that tan fluff ball was real. 

It ran back at him and jumped. It wanted his attention. 

Finally opening his eyes, he saw Phil in the door way and a little fluff ball running on the bed. 

“Phil? Please tell me this is real,” Dan said taking in the sight of the puppy bopping around on their bed. 

He sat up a bit and reached out to pet the little thing. He was greeted with kisses. 

Phil was laughing lightly, “Merry Christmas, Danny.” 

Dan scooped the little Shiba Inu up in his arms. He couldn’t believe this was real. They get to keep the puppy, right? 

“It’s not Christmas yet,” Dan said but Phil knew he was bubbling with excitement. 

Phil joined him on the bed. He pet the little wiggling puppy. He knew he made a good choice. He had wanted to give Dan an engagement ring but they had talked about a puppy on so many occasions. 

“So? We’re keeping her?” Phil said jokingly. 

Dan gave him a look like he was idiotic, “Of course. I love her!”

***

Christmas came and went. 

New Years did as well. 

January was a month of new goals. Dan knew he would procrastinate on his goal to upload videos regularly. 

Korra was a rambunctious little thing which kept Dan and Phil busy trying to train her. They were out at the cottage regularly on weekends which gave her room to run around. The little snow they had, captivated her. The puppy made Dan happy as can be. It seemed rare to feel sad anymore. 

They kept up their gaming channel on a regular basis while enjoying freedom every weekend.

Weekends spent together as a couple. Freedom that meant they could do whatever they wanted. 

Phil was doing a lot more crafting and Dan was training Korra. 

***

“Happy birthday, babe,” Dan putting the plate of pancakes down on the table. 

Phil looked down at the massive mountain of pancakes. 

How had he gotten so lucky? 

He felt old. It was time to start thinking about his future. Did he want to be YouTube famous for the rest of his life? Would he still love working with the radio too? 

He knew he wanted a future with Dan and Korra. He wanted to adopt two children and live in this little paradise forever. He could see himself giving it all up – all the fame, all the videos, and letting strangers stream him live online. He would sacrifice a lot just to spend his life with Dan. 

Another birthday meant another year. Another year of dating. Another tour or more conferences. They were popular. They were in demand by a huge fan base but considering it all he would quit in a heart beat. 

“So, I was thinking. Maybe we could try a little something out,” Dan leaned over and whispered in his ear. 

Phil nearly choked on the piece of pancake he was eating. Dan always loved a chance to be coy. 

“And what would that be, Bear?” Phil asked nervously. 

He took in that devious smile. The one he loved more than anything in this world. When Dan had that look he knew that he was going to get something out of it.

“You seemed to like spanking me that one time. Maybe you’d like to be dominate over me again,” Dan said with noting but pure sex laced in his voice. 

Breakfast didn’t last long. Phil was dragging him up the stairs before he could make one more comment. 

***

Over time the cottage started to look increasingly like the flat back in London. 

Every surface was covered in geek chic items. 

On the mantle beside the tea cup Dan rescued was a collection of Five Night’s at Freddy’s figures. While more Mario themed items filled their office. An assortment of throw cushion covers waiting in a Rubbermaid container. Almost weekly Phil would change them to match his Perler Pixel coasters he had made.  
The only room that remained untouched was the bedroom. 

Slowly they went through the spare room and started to clear out boxes from the previous owner and their own boxes. 

Dan was adventurous enough to go up in the attic and start going through all the boxes up there. He called it spring cleaning, even though it wasn’t spring yet. Each box had been marked as belonging to a certain child or room of the cottage. Making his way through each box, he saved things worth keeping and tossed out useless stuff. It was the discovery of an old box of stuffed animals that had him bouncing for joy. 

He pulled out an old Winnie the Pooh stuffy. One by one he brought all Pooh’s friends into the light of the attic. They were the old classic stuffed animals from the original books, before Disney interpreted them. He admired each one of them and how pristine they were. The Velveteen Rabbit was also among the older stuffed animals. Dan couldn’t help but hug Winnie the Pooh to his chest. He could recall so many childhood memories from watching Winnie the Pooh to his Grandma reading him the stories. He didn’t intend to leave them up in the attic any longer. 

As he kept digging he located the box of old books that accompanied the stuffed animals. Among them were some old classic books like The Jungle Book and a whole Beatrix Potter collection. He packed up two boxes to hand down to Phil.

The search and rescue continued but Dan only kept what was still in one piece. Anything broken from all the antique boxes, he threw out. He managed to convince Phil to help him bring down a small book shelf. More boxes left the cottage and attic. A few went up of their own possessions. Dan considered that a success. When Phil peeked into the spare room he saw Dan unpacking two boxes. One was books he put on the bookshelf, the other was a box of stuffed animals he put on the top of the bookshelf. He held onto the Winnie the Pooh stuff for a second longer. 

“One day, there will be little children in this room who will appreciate you as much as I do,” Dan was unaware Phil heard him. He was to excited about his find and the prospects of the future to notice someone was watching him. 

***

They sat contently by the fireplace. Korra was asleep on the couch, and Dan lay tangled in Phil’s arms. The cold winter weather had caught up with them and it was a good day to hide away. 

Phil was playing with the ring on Dan’s finger. 

His mind filling in all his desires and wants for them. Dan had mentioned it by mistake that he couldn’t wait to have kids. They had time though. There was no reason to rush to marriage or children. They were still super busy with their careers. Dan had been the one debating aloud if he really wanted to do this for the rest of his life. He one day wanted to out himself then go live in privacy with Phil till their old days.

“I love you,” Dan said tiredly. The comfort of his lover’s body and the fire lulling him into sleep. 

Phil was fighting off the urge to sleep too. He wanted to stay in this moment forever. Frozen in time with his favorite person and their fur baby. Dreaming and talking about their lives as they grew into sarcastic old men together.

The cottage was at a standstill. Lost in time and space – Dan and Phil got to be normal. There was no end goal only a path forging its way to the future. This cottage started as a project. A hide away from the world that demanded so much of them. A place for them to fix and repair not only themselves but the home they were building around themselves. The future they were building, maybe even a legacy. 

Phil leaned in and kissed Dan softly on the lips. 

They had come so far and he couldn’t have felt more proud of the man who was sitting in front of him today. “I love you too,” Phil whispered. 

The glow of the fire danced around the room. Dust motes dusted secretly went unnoticed as they danced among the relics of the house. The antiques and modern décor told a story of old and new. Nestled safely away from the prying eyes of society, they lived freely. The birds still sang in the trees and odd wild animal still crept through their yard. Even with a modern paint job the house still looked like a dolls house nestled away in an enchanted forest. A place that continued to be magical for them. 

A little piece of heaven for Dan Howell and Phil Lester.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After a long struggle... 
> 
> It was time to take all the chapters I had prepared and sum this up. It was truly hard to make the decision to leave the Phandom fanfics behind as a writer but this is a good move for me. I was writing in other fandoms and was happier doing that. That doesn't mean I won't come back out of retirement though ;)
> 
> I loved writing this and for the ones who followed this, thank you so much. You were truly a inspiration for me to keep writing this. 
> 
> I also had to do a lot of growing up with family and work. I am into a whole new fandom as well. But let me say I looked forward to every comment and kudos given. Thank you for the support and love! I truly loved and appreciated it all <3
> 
> Happy Reading 
> 
> -Lilija


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